ClusterFugde: A Multifandom Mishmash Fanfic.

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cass
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ClusterFugde: A Multifandom Mishmash Fanfic. Mar 25, 2018 22:06:04 GMT -6

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Post by cass on Mar 25, 2018 22:06:04 GMT -6

(please direct any comments to the Sewer Discord)

THE FOLLOWING IS A WORK OF FAN FICTION ORIGINALLY CONCEPTUALIZED IN THE WAKE OF THE HOMESTUCK GIGAPAUSE OF 10-15-13. IT IS THEREFORE ASSUMED THAT THE EVENTS OF ANY HOMESTUCK UP8 THAT CAME AFTERWARDS DID NOT, IN FACT, HAPPEN, AND THAT THE EVENTS LEADING UP TO THIS WORK ARE AMBIGUOUS. I KNOW THAT SOUNDS PAR FOR THE COURSE IN THE WAKE OF ACT 7, BUT AT LEAST KNOW WHERE WE'RE STANDING. THE FOLLOWING IS ALSO AN ADAPTATION OF INSERTS FEATURED IN SEVERAL CASS REVIEWS, EDITED FOR CONTENT AND TO FIT INTO A COHERENT NARRATIVE.

THE FOLLOWING ALSO CONTAINS VIOLENCE AND SWEARING.

ALL PEOPLE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE IN THE REAL WORLD ARE PROTRAYED TO HISTORICAL FICTIOUS FACT.

Years have passed since the ending of S8ur8, or as we called it, Sgru8. Years since I, having 8een killed during that terri8le game, was restored to life along with many others. We never knew how it all ended. I wasn't there, you see, I was 8usy getting my hair 8raided 8y a friend, and lamenting a8out how my ancestor sta88ed us all in the 8ack. The ones that were there didn't speak much of it. I think they wanted to put it 8ehind them. I don't 8lame them.

The game changed us. It left scars, some deeper than others. Some rel8tionships were made stronger 8y it, others fell apart, and for the rest of us, we were left with a whole new universe. Either to explore, or to travel across, and get away from those we spent those years with.

I was a d8mn fool 8ack then. 8roken 8y all that had happen. I hoped it was all over, that I could just live in peace and forget a8out that shitty game. 8ut that was easier said than done. The ghosts of the game continued to haunt me, and they still do. And these aren't the kind you can just switch off, or elimin8 someone to make them piss off.

F8 had other things in store for us. For me. My friends. And definitely my enemies. I knew that the moment it stated to storm, one summer evening half a sweep or so 8ack........

8egin.

It's raining. You h8 the rain. Ever since Sgru8 ended.

You are a troll of around nine sweeps, sitting in your bedroom, all the way at the top of your hive. It is the 11th of August, the year 2012, according to some asshole's calendar in a place you've never been before, AND PROBABLY NEVER WILL. It feels like it should be way later than that. Time, however, has been wrecked due to events that have happened over the past few sweeps. Then again, time is an artificial construct to begin with.

>>>>

You would try to sleep the storm away, if your dreams weren't full-blown nightmares half the time, and if you didn't feel the presence of someone you didn't want to see again.

You feel it in the wind, his habitat, his domain. He's right outside the hive.

Your name is Vriska Serket, and his is JOHN EGBERT. And tonight is the night your life takes yet another turn. Whether it's good or bad has yet to be determined.

What will you do?

Vriska: Go see what he wants?

*She heads down to the ground floor, and to the front door.*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: What are you doing here?

JOHN: roxy and i had a falling out. i've pretty much had a falling out with every one.

JOHN: none of them have looked at me the same way since the game ended.

VRISKA: Wh8t, you want some sympathy points from me????????

VRISKA: You're 8arking up the wrong tree, asshole!

JOHN: listen, i didn't come here to fight. i wanted to make amends...

VRISKA: A little l8 for that, don't you think?

VRISKA: How long has it 8een, John? Sweeps?

VRISKA: You really think you can just come 8ack, after what you said, and what you did to me?

VRISKA: Do you honestly t8ke me for some fool that will 8uy into your little pity par8y, with you cr8wling like some woof8east who just got scolded 8y their master!?

>>>>

*She steps out and slams the door behind her.*

\/Open Log:\/

JOHN: vriska...please...

JOHN: i don't feel welcome around this part of the galaxy any more. i want to explore the rest of the universe, see what's to offer.

JOHN: and i came here to ask you-

VRISKA: If I would let 8ygones 8e 8ygon8s and go with you!?

VRISKA: f8ck your offer, John!!!!!!!!

>>>>

*She's trying to hold herself back...*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: I almost had an offer a long time ago, one that could've helped me come 8ack to life. And what happened then?

VRISKA: You called me dangerous, and REF8TED IT.

VRISKA: Ever since that day, I've had those words carved into my think pan. That all I am is just that dangerous 8itch th8t no one gave eight shits a8out when she died........

VRISKA: And then the next thing I know, my ancestor gets the ring, and what does she do, almost single-hand8dly WR8CKS ALL OF OUR PLANS!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: All of that could've 8een avoided if not for your arrogance!

JOHN: i made a mistake, vriska, and i'm sorry...

VRISKA: It's too l8 for apolog8es from you, John!

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: There's not going to 8e a d8 8etween the two of us, if that's what you're looking for. That deal's 8een dead and 8uried.

VRISKA: And quite fr8nkly, I was 8etter off dead after that 8ullshit.

JOHN: hey, you came back, didn't you? it all worked out in the end-

VRISKA: I 8et you think I sh8uld just kneel to you for th8t, then!? All hail King John, Lord of S8ur8!

VRISKA: I didn't 8sk to 8e 8rought 8ack that way! I didn't want your gift of life! I never did, after everything that happened!

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

VIRSKA: And you know wh8t, if there's one thing you can have from m8, it's that!

JOHN: vriska, please, you're being irrational-

*Her clothes swap to her God Tier robes.*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: So come on, Eg8ert, take it 8ack!!!!!!!!

>>>>

You toss out your dice, but your roll is a poor one, and only serves to summon an 8 ball.

No matter, you don't need a weapon for this anyway.

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

JOHN: Please don't do this, vriska! i don't want to hurt you, but i will fight back!

VRISKA: THEN F8GHT M8, YOU 8A8T8RD!!!!!!!!

Vriska: Strife.

You take flight and charge straight at John, posed to claw at his throat. He summons his WARHAMMER OF ZILLYHOO and, in spite of his hesitation, readies it to strike.

One swing from his hammer and you go flying towards your hive, crashing through it. It begins to crumble soon after.

>>>>

Somehow you survive that, though you're in terrible shape. Two steps from death, probably. A Just one, like you deserve.

Vriska: Crawl from the wreckage.

*She tries to do just that...*

\/Open Log:\/

JOHN: i'm so sorry, vriska...

VRISKA: Oh, g8d........d8mnit........

>>>>

*Coughing out some blood, she continues her struggle...*

\/Open Log;\/

VRISKA: C'm8n, Eg8ert, finish me off........

>>>>

*John doesn't move. The rain intensifies.*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: Wh8t are you w8ing f8r!?!?!?!? DO 8T!!!!!!!! K8LL M8!!!!!!!!

JOHN: i...i...

>>>>

*Still facing her, he begins to float away...*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: D8n't you leave me like this, you 8ast8rd! F8n8sh 8t!!!!!!!!

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

JOHN: (good bye, vriska...)

John: Abscond.

*John starts to fly away, and then suddenly disappears in a zap.*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: G8T 8ACK HERE, YOU 8ASTARD!

VRISKA: J8HN!!!!!!!!

>>>>

He's gone. Won't even give you the common courtesy of being there for you to die. You try to muster the last of your strength, to get a message out to...someone...hopefully they're not too late.

Vriska: Reach out.

\/Open MindLog:\/

VRISKA: (Kanaya. Kan8ya!!!!!!!!)

>>>>

*She begins to lose consciousness from the blood loss...*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: (H8lp me.)

CLUSTER FUDGE: ACT ZERO

Act Zero.

cass
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Posts: 23

ClusterFugde: A Multifandom Mishmash Fanfic. Mar 25, 2018 23:31:40 GMT -6

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Post by cass on Mar 25, 2018 23:31:40 GMT -6

Act Zero.

Approximately 1 year and two months later. Louisiana, USA. Earth/Alpha 612.

A young man of roughly 20 years of age stands in his bedroom, at a waterfront camp in a rural part of the state of Louisiana. It is October 15, 2013. Just another day in the life of a commuting college student.

This boy goes by many names, but only one shall stick with him after these next few days, if not the rest of his life, NOT THAT HE KNOWS THAT.

Enter Name:

Your name is CASS. You haven't picked a last name yet, because you haven't entirely developed your pseudonym, SO JUST CASS SHALL IT BE FOR THE MOMENT. You'll probably pick something eventually, MOST LIKELY SOMETHING STUPID THAT'LL MAKE YOUR NAME A PUN.

You are a BELOW PAR REVIEWER OF VIDEO GAMES AND OTHER VISUAL MEDIA, primarily delving into what you call FPS HELL and occasionally talking shit about EPISODES OF MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC. When you're not writing CRITIQUES THAT NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD READ AND PROBABLY NEVER WILL, you play the very games you tend to critique on various Xbox consoles, and share either your pain or your passion with your friends, whether through instant messaging or console messaging. Lately you've been playing Saints Row IV, but you tend to also like 'POPULAR' GAMES, ACTUALLY POPULAR GAMES, AND A FEW THAT EVERYONE ELSE HATES. But you refuse to play Assassin's Creed. FUCK STEALTH GAMES. Besides games, you are also passionate about HISTORY, FIREARMS -but not to the extent of an NRA member-, ACTION-Y MOVIES, MOGWAI, RETRO-SYNTH MUSIC and 80'S POWER BALLADS. And also BLUE ALIEN CHICKS. Except for the Na'avi from Avatar. YOU HATE THAT MOVIE WITH A FIERY PASSION.

When you aren't showing signs of anxiety towards talking to people, you tend to talk like a normal person, except for occasional outbursts of profanity and an extreme overuse of the f-word. You seriously need to keeping that in fucking check.

What will you do?

Cass: Retrieve...

...Your wallet. Of course! Don't want to forget that! Now put on a fucking shirt, NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR HAIRY CHEST.

Cass: Get a fucking shirt on.

Ah yes, your average attire, A LONG-SLEEVE T-SHIRT UNDER SOMETHING BRAND ENDORSING, LIKE A LARGE T-SHIRT WITH CALL OF DUTY ON IT. What a fucking tool. But hey, you thought Black Ops was alright, and Black Ops 2 was pretty okay, too! It makes more sense than that Medal of Honor 2010 shirt you have, YOU DON'T EVEN LIKED THE FUCKER. Just put on your GENERIC AND COPYRIGHT-FRIENDLY 'BLOPS' SHIRT AND CALL IT A DAY.

Well, you're ready enough. Time to head off to campus so you can go to class.

Cass: Depart from you house.

You give your Lab a pat on the head, grab your school stuff, leave, head down the stairs and get into your car.

About thirty-forty minutes and a German class later, you've arrived to the "game room" at your college's student union, the lounge for playing pool, watching crap on the TV (when people aren't playing Nintendo consoles, that is), and watching some of your peers play Magic: The Gathering. It's in this room that you've met the people you now call your friends. Or, at least, YOUR IRL FRIENDS. At present, only one is present, whom we will just refer to as ARAZYI.

What will you do?

Cass: Check what he's up to.

\/Open Log:\/

ARAZYI: Hey bro.

CASS: Sup.

ARAZYI: How was class?

CASS: Fine, I guess. How was yours?

ARAZYI: I didn't go. Got better ways to waste my time than suffering through crazy cat lady.

CASS: That's a bad habit to get into. Where are the others?

ARAZYI: Rin and Kryss are still in class, and Syl is outside smoking.

CASS: Riiiiiight...

CASS: Whatcha checking on your phone?

ARAZYI: Homestuck updated.

CASS: It did!?

ARAZYI: Yeah, wanna see?

Cass: Read the upd8.

It should be obvious from the dialogue here that you are INTO THE NOTORIOUS WEBCOMIC PHEMONENON KNOWN AS HOMESTUCK, something your friend SPARKIE got you into. At some point around what was known as the Interfishin, you stopped following it regularly, but from what you last recall, THE GHOST ARMY PLAN GOT SCREWED OVER AND ARANEA SERKET TURNED OUT TO BE EVIL AND BEGAN SABOTAGING THE GAME. Now to see what fruit that screw up has bore.

FLASH FOWARD A FEW MINUTES LATER.

DEAD PEOPLE, LAVA, HOLOGRAPHIC DIRKS and THE CONDESCE'S WARSHIP COMING OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE. Well, it's safe to say THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY.

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

ARAZYI: Is it just me, or did you also hear the Imperial March in your head when you saw that?

CASS: I was thinking more of the Star Wolf theme...

ARAZYI: That works too, I guess.

You've got a few hours to kill before the rest of your friends show up, what will you do?

Cass: Wait for them.

Eh, waiting is boring. How about another time-skip?

Okay...

Way into the evening, and you find yourself driving back to the camp, in order to feed your dog and ensure he hasn't had an accident in the house. To make a long story short, your parents are in the process of moving to another state, but you have a camp by the river that's less than half-an-hour from school, you've decided to stay and finish your education. For the time being, the Lab, who does not enjoy travelling, stays with you.

You get on your computer to go check the happenings of your friend, SPARKIE. He's been one of your online associates for over 6 years now, and that's after going through virus attacks, computer deaths, falling outs with other contacts, AND THE US EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM.

It appears he's noticed you've gotten online. Better respond to him.

Cass: Respond to Sparkie.

\/Open SkypeLog:\/

Sparkie: You're back.

DarthCK: Yes, I am.

Sparkie: Homestuck updated.

Sparkie: Discuss?

DarthCK: I heard the Star Wolf theme when Condy's ship showed up.

Sparkie: The Kill Bill siren for me, personally.

Sparkie: You realize what this means, right?

DarthCK: Not really.

Sparkie: We got a pause on our hands.

Sparkie: Possibly bigger than the one for Cascade.

Sparkie: Are you prepared for this?

DarthCK: Whatever.

DarthCK: How the fuck do you know any of this, anyway? I don't remember Hussie saying anything about a pause...

Sparkie: Maybe, maybe not. Let's call it a gut feeling.

Sparkie: Also, he did. And even if he didn't, it was telegraphed from a mile away.

DarthCK: I must have missed that.

Sparkie: You always were bad at seeing the big picture.

Sparkie: How did your friends react?

DarthCK: I don't think they were ready.

DarthCK: How about you? How did you react?

Sparkie: About as well as I predicted it to be.

Sparkie: To be honest, my concerns at the moment aren't with Homestuck.

DarthCK: Real life stuff?

Sparkie: Yes.

Sparkie: And it's not about family, or friends, or any of the drama from earlier this month, it's something else.

Sparkie: Something seems weird.

DarthCK: If it lasts longer than four hours, I suggest getting help.

Sparkie: ...No.

Sparkie: You know better than to think that's what I would be discussing, let alone concerned about.

DarthCK: Well, you can take comfort in the fact that I have no idea what you mean by 'weird', because just about everything we talk about is 'weird' even with it isn't.

Sparkie: Even when it isn't?

DarthCK: Yes.

Sparkie: You have the level of contradiction reserved for a Republican presidential candidate.

DarthCK: Was that supposed to be an insult?

Sparkie: Do you take it as one?

DarthCK: A little bit, yeah.

DarthCK: Listen, I got to go to bed. Shit to do tomorrow.

Sparkie: Does it involve finishing Dishonored?

DarthCK: Not on your life, buddy.

DarthCK: We can talk about your weird shit tomorrow, okay?

Sparkie: I'll hold you up to that.

Cass: Get ready for bed.

You take a shower, get dressed in nighttime clothes, let the dog out for one last bathroom break and once he's done, lock everything up and slam headfirst into the bed.

Dream.

In your dream, you're at your old high school, FOR SOME REASON. It's empty, but it doesn't look abandoned (not in the same way that something in Fallout does). It's like it's frozen in time.

You're in the main hall/cafeteria, believing yourself to be alone...until you spot someone at the other end of the hallway...a troll? Is this another one of those dreams filled with shit that's fictitious that you have once on a blue moon?

She's shorter than you, but not by much. Her hair's short, like the secretary lady at Falkreath in Skyrim, and her horns are very much LIKE THOSE OF A PARTICULAR SPIDER-OBSESSED TROLL.

She waves at you, hesitantly, and looks as if she's about to say something, but the moment she opens her mouth you wake up.

>>>>

Well, that was weird, and PROBABLY WON'T AMOUNT TO ANYTHING. Why the hell are you awake, anyway?

Cass: Get yourself some water and go back to sleep.

In your sleep, unbeknownst to you, you're teleported somewhere else...

cass
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Posts: 23

ClusterFugde: A Multifandom Mishmash Fanfic. Mar 26, 2018 20:19:52 GMT -6

Quote

Post by cass on Mar 26, 2018 20:19:52 GMT -6

DAYS IN THE PAST...

And also a year...

The perspective changes back to the weird, alien homeworld, where a rather gorgeous, jade-blooded troll, arms covered in tattoos, walks into her bed chamber, carrying towels, bandages, and a bowl of water on a tray.

Residing in her bed is an unconscious blue-blood, brought in by your descendant a few nights back. She was grievously injured -perhaps inches away from death-, but with determination you've slowly but surely begun to nurse her back to health. However, she hasn't been fully conscious for but a few moments in these part nights. Hopefully, that will change.

Vriska: Wake up.

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: *incoherent mum8les........*

PORRIM: The swelling's reduced since yesterday evening. That's go+o+d.

>>>>

*Her left eye opens.*

\/Open Log:\/

PORRIM: Yo+u're awake.

>>>>

*The other eye opens, and she starts to try and get up.*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: Where-

PORRIM: Relax, my dear. Yo+u've been thro+ugh a ro+ugh o+rdeal , but yo+u're in a safe place no+w.

PORRIM: Do+ yo+u remember who+ yo+u are?

VRISKA: Yeah, I remem8er who I am just fine.

VRISKA: You're Kanaya's ancestor, right?

PORRIM: Yes, I am. My name is Po+rrim.

Vriska: Sit up.

\/Open Log:\/

PORRIM: Do+ yo+u recall anything?

VRISKA: John.

PORRIM: The Jo+hn o+f Ro+se's sessio+n?

VRISKA: Yeah, him.

VRISKA: He had the nerve to show up at my doorstep, asking if I wanted to run away with him, 8ecause he and Roxy had a falling out.

VRISKA: So I told him off, and........I lost it. I tried to fight him, hoping he would put an end to it.

VRISKA: You can figure out the rest from there.

PORRIM: Deplo+rable.

VRISKA: Yeah, yeah, I know-

PORRIM: No+t just yo+u.

PORRIM: Yo+u sho+uld no+t have go+aded him, and he sho+uld have no+t reso+rted to+ vio+lence to pacify yo+u.

PORRIM: There are alternatives to+ fighting.

VRISKA: Alternatives!? Wh8t kind of troll are you!

PORRIM: The kind that's tending to+ yo+ur wo+unds, fo+r starters.

PORRIM: Seco+ndly, I'm a feminist first and a tro+ll seco+nd.

VRISKA: There a difference?

PORRIM: I see yo+u have much to+ learn...

>>>>

Looking back on it now, this seems like the moment your relationship with her started. Or, at least, when you felt like you two 'clicked', as those shitty romcoms call it. For the next couple of months, you two had a matespritship that often got dangerously close to black, but you both felt like THAT JUST SPICED THINGS UP. It was one of the first times you felt like you were part of something healthy, something mutually beneficial...

But it wasn't all moonlight and pretty sunsets. In spite of the efforts of everyone involved, you still find yourself succumbing to nightmares. Too many mornings are spent with you cradled in her arms as you try to shake off the worst of it. You start to feel as if it gets worse with every passing night. Maybe it's the environment, maybe you're not getting out enough, or maybe YOU JUST DESERVE TO SUFFER AFTER EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE.

You know none of those are true, but the intrusive thoughts have all but gotten the better of you. Do you really belong here? Did you really deserve to come back? These questions haunt you day and night.

And then one night proved too much.

October 8th, 2013 (Earth 612 time).

You are now Vriska, though that hasn't changed.

You've awakened from a nightmare in a cold sweat, just like every other morning for what feels like half a sweep.

This has to stop, and you being on this shithole of a world hasn't helped you in slightest.

You've been considering your next course of action for a while, and now it's time to go through with it.

It's time to leave this planet.

Vriska: Get packed.

You start digitizng almost all of your personal belongings on your IDA, your INVENTORY DATA APARATUS. It's basically a device that converts items into digital code, sort of like a cloud, or THE INVENTORY OF A VIDEO GAME. It's a lot more efficient than the specibus Players like you had. No complex mathematical equations to solve, no melodies to preform, and definitely none of that SUPRISE ENCRYPTION THAT INADVERTEDLY LED TO KARKAT ACCIDENTALLY KILLING HIS LUSUS.

Throughout the process you find yourself looking over your shoulder in the hopes that Porrim doesn't wake up. Good thing she's a heavy sleeper, MOST OF THE TIME.

But just as you're about to finish writing your goodbye letter...

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

PORRIM: Vriska? What are yo+u do+ing up?

Vriska: Maniupl8.

Using your MIND-INFLUENCING ABILITIES, you attempt to make her fall back to sleep.She tries to fight it, realizing what you're trying to do, but ultimately she ends up succumbing, her head flopping atop the pillow.

You just violated one of the guidelines you two set for one another, but it's better this way. She would have tried to stop you, it would have led to a fight, and there would be more than heartbreak that would happen.

Vriska: Finish up.

You put the finishing touches to your message, lay it atop your pillow, and then kiss Porrim on the forehead. With that out of the way, you leave the bedroom, and eventually fly away from the hive.

>>>>

*A cut later, she's at a spaceport...*

\/Open Log:\/

TICKET SALESMAN: Can I help you?

VRISKA: There still openings on that RSPCT?

TICKET SALESMAN: Yes ma'am. Shuttle to it's just started boarding.

VRISKA: I'll 8uy a ticket.

TICKET SALESMAN: That'll be 200 credits.

>>>>

*Vriska sets a stack of boonbucks on the counter.*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: Do you take 8oon8ucks?

Hours later...

*Porrim wakes up, finding Vriska MIA and a letter on her pillow...*

By the time she gets up, you'll be long gone.

Porrim: Read the letter:

\/Open Letter:\/

Porrim,

If you're reading this, it means I've left the planet for good. I'm sorry, I know this is gonna 8reak your heart. 8elieve me, this was a tough decision to make, 8ut I knew you would try to make me stay. And that's something I just can't do anymore.

There's nothing for me here except 8ad 8lood and even worse memories. You, Kanaya, and Rose are the only ones who give a shit a8out my worthless ass. I've either 8urned my 8ridges with the rest of them, or they've 8ecome too 8usy with their own lives to 8other with me. I keep getting evil looks from people as I walk along the street. My name's dirt here and that's all it'll ever 8e. It's high time I a8andon ship and find my own place in the universe.

Please don't 8lame yourself. This mess didn't have anything to do with you, it's just that you got dragged into it. And don't ever think what we had was a mistake. I loved you, and I know you did too. May8e someday I'll return, 8ut don't w8 for me.

I'm sorry. I hope you find someone who won't hurt you like I just did.

-Vriska

Additional time later...

*Porrim is sitting at the doorstep of the hive, her eyes jade from crying. Kanaya wanders from the living room to see what's up...*

\/Open Log:\/

KANAYA: Porrim?

KANAYA: Whats The Matter?

PORRIM: She's go+ne, Kanaya.

KANAYA: Vriska?

PORRIM: She's run away...

>>>>

cass
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Posts: 23

ClusterFugde: A Multifandom Mishmash Fanfic. Apr 4, 2018 18:24:47 GMT -6

Quote

Post by cass on Apr 4, 2018 18:24:47 GMT -6

>>>>

The shuttle trip to the RSPCT -Random Space Personnel Carrier Transport- takes a few hours, but it feels like a lifetime. You're not sure who or what to expect aboard the ship, with the crazy amount of life in the universe, especially after recent events.

Around the time you and a select few from the dream bubbles were restored to life, the Sburb Players -namely the Lalondes- had somehow gotten in touch with beings from another universe. They ended up getting involved in some weird project to combine several universes into one giant cluster. Long story short, it worked, and the Players found a new troll planet and a new Earth to call home (though from what you understand, THERE ARE SEVERAL EARTH "CLONES" OUT THERE). A intergalactic government was formed out of the major players of the universes to keep order, support expansion for their societies, all the usual bullhockey. They gave it some weird acronym, ASS or something. This government sponsored ships like the one you were headed to, using them for goodwill gestures, meeting grounds, affordable housing for displaced beings, and more.

For you, it was just a means to an end. You're going to ride this thing for however long it takes to find a planet that seems interesting, one that doesn't know your name. And from there, you'll start a new life. Wipe the slate clean. Maybe finally let Vriska Serket as the universe knows it die.

>>>>

*At the ticket kiosk...*

\/Open Log:\/

GUARD: Welcome aboard, ma'am. Your name and ticket, please?
VRISKA: Here. And it's Vriska Serket.
GUARD: You wouldn't happen to be related to one Aranea Serket, would you?
VRISKA: Mayyyyyyyy8e.
GUARD: Right...right...
GUARD: You'll be assigned to the same suite as her: Room 568. I'll notify her to expect company.
GUARD: Elevators are to your left. Have a nice day, and enjoy your trip.

>>>>

...Great. It would be your luck to run into someone you knew, but you didn't expect that someone to be your ANCESTOR, THE ONE WHO NEARLLY SCREWED OVER EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE.

Might as well get this over with, then.

Vriska: Head up and meet Aranea.

You take a trip on the elevator to the designated floor, reach the suite you were instructed to find, and knock on the door. As expected, SHE answers it.

ARANEA SERKET, member of the "Alpha" troll session and kind-of-sort-of YOUR ANCESTOR. Underneath that sweet exterior is someone WHO'S ABOUT AS SCHEMING AND MANIPULATIVE AS YOU, except she DID SO IN THE SHADOWS. Because of her actions in Sburb/Sgrub, she was expelled from the troll community and left to fend for herself, but she appears to BE DOING JUST FINE.

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

ARANEA: Vriska! How nice to see you again, after all this time!
VRISKA: Oh, gr8........
ARANEA: Well, don't just stand there, my dear! Come in!

>>>>

You enter the residence, which looks like a typical futuristic apartment complex. Or, at least, what you assume is typical, SINCE YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH EXPERIENCE WITH THAT ONE.

>>>>

*Vriska sets her stuff down.*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: I'm surprised you're this close to troll space. You know what would happen if the Empresses found out-
ARANEA: Nothing would happen, Vriska. I was not banished from the homeworld; my exile was a voluntary one. If I were to return, it might not 8e to open arms, 8ut it would not 8e prohi8ited.
ARANEA: Second, this ship is sovereign territory. Even if I were 8anished, the Empresses have no jurisdiction here. They can do no more than complain and 8icker.
ARANEA: Third, and finally, I've thrown any am8itions for domin8ion away. I've turned a new leaf, as they say. No more scheming for me.
VRISKA: Riiiiiiiight.
ARANEA: So, what 8rings you here? Are things 8ack home well for you?
VRISKA: I'd rather not talk a8out it.
ARANEA: I see. I won't pry any further, 8ut my hive is your hive, for as long as you require.
VRISKA: Thanks, 8ut I don't plan on staying long.
ARANEA: Oh?
VRISKA: As soon as this thing stops at a nice planet, I'm jumping ship. Literally.
ARANEA: That might not 8e for a few nights.
VRISKA: I realize this, Aranea!
ARANEA: Well, as I've said, you're welcome to stay so long as you like.
ARANEA: I can have the guest room set up to accommod8 you. Would you like a recuperacoon?
VRISKA: Why do you have one of those? I thought they were outlawed?
ARANEA: They were. 8ut we're not in troll jurisdiction, remem8er?

>>>>

You take a quick glance at the room next to the one Aranea has offered you. It has a nice set up to it, definitely fitting her aesthetic. No doubt this is her room.

The only thing that stands out is a weird poster by her husktop, with a strange emblem on it...

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

ARANEA: That's my room.
VRISKA: What's in it?
ARANEA: Nothing you need to concern yourself with.
VRISKA: Like that poster?
ARANEA: Yes. Ever heard of a 8and called 'Andross'?
VRISKA: No.
ARANEA: It's nothing you would 8e into. They hail from an Earth clone that is on this vessel's tour destin8ion.
ARANEA: I'll 8e seeing a concert of theirs, there.
VRISKA: A 8and? I thought you were more a fan of orchestral stuff.
VRISKA: Are you sure you're not up to something????????
ARANEA: What, you don't trust me?
VRISKA: No!!!!!!!!

*KNOCK KNOCK*

\/Open Log:\/

ARANEA: Would you kindly see who that is?

Vriska: Answer the door.

You press a button to make the door open, revealing that there's a small, orange robot that's not even half your height standing in the hallway, holding papers in its claw-like hand.

Vriska: Listen to what this trash compacter has to say.

\/Open Log:\/

CLAPTRAP: Helloooooo traveller! I am CL4P-TP, commonly referred to as 'Claptrap'-
VRISKA: What do you want.
CLAPTRAP: Am I speaking to Miss Serket?
ARANEA: In a sense, we are 8oth 'Miss Serkets'. 8ut I would assume you are referring to me.
CLAPTRAP: Helloooooo, Miss Serket! At the behest of our sponsors, the Torgue Corporation and CNBC, it is my honor to inform you that, on October 16th, 2017 Earth Prime time, at 5pm Eastern Pacific, we are hosting an intervention for a video game and television show critic from the Earth-clone planet Alpha 612, and you have been selected to participate!
ARANEA: Is particip8ion mandatory?
CLAPTRAP: No, it is not, but there will be cake and fruit punch served, along with a free, 20 credit coupon to a retail chain of your choice, provided they have an outlet on the ship!
CLAPTRAP: (Some restrictions applied, and not all stores are participating! Offer not available for participants in the states of Washington or New York, or consumers of Maliwan products!)
ARANEA: While this is all very intriguing, I'm afraid prior o8lig8ions force me to decline your offer.
ARANEA: However, I shall send my descendant here in my place, if permitted.
VRISKA: Wh8t!?!?!?!?
CLAPTRAP: Excellent! I shall inform our patron of your acceptance, and will await your arrival at the designated time! Don't be late, you don't want to miss out on that cake!
CLAPTRAP: See you next time!

>>>>

*The robot rolls off, and Vriska closes the door behind him.*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: Thanks for the group decision, Aranea!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: 8ecause. you know, I tooooooootally want to get involved in some 8ullshit discourse revolving around some human slo8!
ARANEA: It would 8e 8etter for you to get out a 8it, rather than sulk around the hive.
ARANEA: 8esides, you wouldn't 8e interested in anything I would 8e doing, anyway.
ARANEA: Perhaps you might run into some of our former associ8s.
VRISKA: Like who?
ARANEA: I 8elieve the Striders are a8oard. They toler8 my presence, 8ut I'm certain they won't give you any trou8le.
ARANEA: And do you recall Roxy Lalonde?
VRISKA: The one who called you a-
ARANEA: Yes, her.
ARANEA: And I 8elieve I've seen Latula and Gamzee, as well.
VRISKA: Gr8, we're all set for disaster!
VRISKA: I leave to get away from people I know, and the very worst of them are on the sh8p!
ARANEA: Have some optimism, Vriska. Whatever happened to that adventurous young lady who wanted to sail the 8 seas like a pir8?
VRISKA: You know what, Araneaaaaaaaa........

Now, back to the present...

October 16, 2013 (Alpha 612 Time). Location pending.

You are now Cass, fast asleep in your bed.

Cass: Sleep.

Sleeping already. Command ignored.

Fine, asshole.

At that moment, your alarm clock goes off. You go to put it to sleep, but then you notice: it's set to 11am. That's strange, you have class at about 9 today, why is it set to 11?

Maybe the teacher emailed you about there being no class today and you forgot. Weird.

>>>>

You get out of bed, but you can't shake off this chilling feeling. Did the AC decide to be 60-something again? Urgh, it's always something.

Something seems really off. It looks like you're still at the camp, but there's this artificial feeling to it all...

>>>>

Your bedroom looks normal, but when you tap on the doorframe, it glimmers for a split second, like it's a glitch on a holodeck in Star Trek...

Oh, shit.

>>>>

The camp aesthetic suddenly fades away, revealing it to be a sleek, sci-fi interior. All your belongings and such are in their rightful places, but there aren't any windows in the main area...and your dog is missing.

What the hell is going on!? This isn't good, man! You gotta get out of here BEFORE YOU START QUOTING MORE CALL OF DUTY.

Cass: Get out of there!

You look for a switch to open the door, pressing a button on a nearby keypad to do so, and then abscond to find yourself in a sci-fi-looking hallway, with a lobby to your left and a window ahead of you, with a view of Earth.

Oh fuck, you're in space!

Cass: Assess the fact that you're in space.

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: What. The. Shit.

>>>>

You swap perspective over to Vriska, who is just chilling on the couch in her respective residence, watching some crappy alien movie on the TV. Fleet and Flotilla? Borrrrrrrring!

\/Open Log:\/

CLAPTRAP: Hellooooooo traveller! I am here to inform you that the intervention will be starting in the next 90 minutes!
VRISKA: W8, it's not 5pm yet!
CLAPTRAP: Correct! However, it is nearing 5pm Eastern Pacific time on Earth Prime! Which, as you know, is the timetable we're working with!
VRISKA: Time is such 8ullshit.
CLAPTRAP: I don't make the rules, toots!
CLAPTRAP: Now please, follow me to the lobby area so that we can make the proper arrangements!
ARANEA: You're leaving?
VRISKA: Yeah. Siiiiiiiigh.
ARANEA: Try to have fun, dear.

Vriska: Depart.

\/Open Log:\/

CLAPTRAP: Allonsy!

>>>>

You reach the lobby area, where a small group of people have already arrived. You spot at least two talking-hoofbeasts, an incredibly shifty-looking dude who keeps eyeing you funny, and -as Aranea predicted- Dave Strider and Roxy Lalonde.

Vriska; Go congreg8 with the other participants.

\/Open Log:\/

BIRK: So this is for real, right? Not another stunt by the Saints?
DAVE: yeah sure go with that
DAVE: arent you supposed to be dead?
BIRK: Who would want to kill me? I play NyteBlade!

>>>>

*The annoying celebrity heads over to Vriska.*

\/Open Log:\/

BIRK: Hey, dollface. Name's Josh Birk, you've probably seen me on TV. How's about showing me that money maker? I got the green!
VRISKA: I got a 8etter idea, how a8out to go take a hike through the airlock?
VRISKA: Here, let me help!!!!!!!!

Vriska: Manipul8.

Using your mind powers, you force this annoying actor to toss himself into the nearest airlock. Strange, CONSIDERING YOU USED TO BE ABLE TO ONLY PUT HUMANS TO SLEEP WITH YOUR ABILITIES, but you'll accept it nonetheless.

>>>>

*Vriska shuts the airlock door behind him.*

\/Open Log:\/

BIRK:
VRISKA: 8on voyage!!!!!!!!

Vriska: Hit the big red button.

You press the button and the airlock's exterior door opens, forcing all the air to go out into space, taking Josh Birk with it.

You feel a small level of satisfaction towards that. One less asshole in the universe.

That got...dark...

\/Open Log:\/

ROXY: OMG HEY GURRLLLLLLLLL
DAVE: oh no not the other one
VRISKA: Well hello to you too, Daaaaaaaave.
ROXY: eyyyy get ur booty fugggin oer here

Vriska: Meet with Roxy and Dave.

\/Open Log:\/

ROXY: how u doin frissy vrisky
ROXY: *frissky
ROXY: **frisky
VRISKA: Don't call me that.
DAVE: dont mind the smell shes a little inebriated
ROXY: a lil lol u nayeevee lil child
ROXY: *naive
VRISKA: Soooooooo, you guys got invited to this thing, too?
ROXY: nah im here 2 moder8 dis shit
DAVE: im here to be the silent majority like paulie in rocky 4
DAVE: and also to make sure she doesnt make a mess of things
ROXY: yah w/e daev fuk u 2
ROXY: gonna b jerry springsteen up in dis biatch
DAVE: you mean jerry springer
ROXY: i no wat i sed asshole
ROXY: as 4 u ur in sum deep shit i herd
VRISKA: I don't know what you heard from Rose, 8ut I'm going to make myself clear: I 8n't going 8ack. I've made my decision and I'm sticking to 8t!!!!!!!!
ROXY: i aint gunna bring u back hoppy shat
ROXY: wut kind of pol do u have up ur ass anyway
VRISKA: For starters, I don't want to 8e here, 8ut my insane ancestor sent me to go 8e 8uddies with some dork and a fucking st8pid ro8ot!!!!!!!!

>>>>

Things seem to be going well, possibly MEDIOCRE, until you spot him out of the corner of your eye...

John. The last person you wanted to see again, let alone on the same ship.

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: F8ck!!!!!!!!
ROXY: wut
VRISKA: John's here!
VRISKA: Look, whatever you do, keep me away from h8m!!!!!!!!

>>>>

John starts headed you way, as you attempt to hide behind Roxy. He doesn't notice you at first, more focused on Dave...

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

DAVE: sup john howre the kids
JOHN: i don't have any kids.
DAVE: same
DAVE: so what are you doing here i thought you were still wandering
JOHN: my wandering led me here. funny, isn't it?
DAVE: yeah i guess
JOHN: are you doing the same thing?
DAVE: not really im just tagging along with dirk and jake
DAVE: someones gotta babysit them
DAVE: though apparently i got someone else to babysit from that stupid planet
DAVE: the higher ups screwed up and teleported the wrong person on here and decided to dump it in our lap
JOHN: that sucks.
DAVE: yeah no kidding
DAVE: hes apparently heard of us before from something or somewhere
DAVE: it makes me feel like bruce wayne if someone came up to me in public and went HOLY SHIT ITS BATMAN

>>>>

*He turns to Roxy.*

\/Open Log:\/

JOHN: by the way-
ROXY: u betta look somewhere else boi b5 i knok ur is da fuk off
ROXY: *eys
ROXY: *eyes
JOHN: hello to you too, roxy...
ROXY: dont talk 2 me
ROXY: u can tlk 2 him all u wont but dont talk 2 me or my itsy bitsy spdier
JOHN: so it is her!
JOHN: say no more, i'm out of here.
JOHN: catch you later, dave!

>>>>

*John absconds.*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: Thanks for the cover.
DAVE: no prob
VRISKA: If he's here, then that's just more incentive for me to get off this ship and onto that planet!
DAVE: you sure thats a good idea
VRISKA: It's 8etter than staying here-

>>>>

*A spaceship flies past the lobby viewport.*

\/Open Log:\/

RSCPT CAPTAIN: Attention all hands, a hostile ship has been detected in the vicinity of this vessel. Red alert initiated.

>>>>

*An alarm goes off.*

\/Open Log:\/

CLAPTRAP: Oh, *CENSORED*! That's a Zin Empire warship! They must be Zinyak loyalists!

Over to Cass...

*Claptrap runs into Cass.*

\/Open Log:\/

CLAPTRAP: Quick! Cue the Death Star firing!

And back to Vriska....

*Something like dis...*

The spacecraft completely ignores the vessel, flies past the planet's moon, and then fires some sort of death ray at the planet, destroying it. Two fighters from the RSPCT engage it and destroy the ship before it can retreat.

Well, so much for heading to that planet.

cass
Rat Egg

Posts: 23

ClusterFugde: A Multifandom Mishmash Fanfic. Apr 4, 2018 20:47:27 GMT -6

Quote

Post by cass on Apr 4, 2018 20:47:27 GMT -6

>>>>

You are now Cass.

You have just witnessed the destruction of your home world.

What will you do?

Cass: Allow what just happened to register in your brain.

*He tries not to let his eyes water.*

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: Oh my God...

CASS: My planet...it's...gone...

CASS: And all my friends...and my family...and my dogs...

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: ...and a fucking CLAPTRAP is right next to me!

CASS: Please tell me this is a dream!

CLAPTRAP: I would happily oblige your request, but unfortunately my sympathy subroutines were wiped from my hard drive as a tragic side-effect of Hyperion Interplanetary Ninja Assassin® programming!! Consequently, I have no other choice but to inform you that it is, in fact, not a dream you are experiencing!

CLAPTRAP: On that note, it is my honor to welcome you aboard this vessel, brought to you by the Supreme Alliance of Solar Systems!

CLAPTRAP: You have been provided with a complimentary gift based on your personality! Please accept this Earth-produced assault rifle, compatible with the ammunition and magazines of nearly 75.85% of all Vladof assault rifle products, and this high-caliber revolver, provided free of charge by the Jakobs Corporation!

>>>>

You are then handed an AMD-63, a Hungarian-made variant of the AK-47, and a crappy-looking Jakobs revolver. Looks like a fake, but DON'T TELL THE ROBOT THAT. Why he even gave you guns in the first place is BEYOND YOU.

Cass: Accept the gifts, with protest.

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: My complimentary gift...is a fucking ASSAULT RIFLE!?

CASS: I AM NOT IN A GOOD EMOTIONAL POSITION TO HANDLE A FIREARM RIGHT NOW!

CLAPTRAP: Not to worry, as those weapons are not currently loaded!

CLAPTRAP: If you wish, you can do that yourself, with this complementary Vladof-brand ammunition!

CASS: ...What the fuck.

>>>>

*A honk on the other side of the hallway.*

\/Open Log:\/

*hOnK :o)*

CLAPTRAP: Oh, good! The other participants are starting to arrive!

CASS: Participants?

CLAPTRAP: Correct! You have been selected to be the subject of tonight's Interesting Interventions, hosted by yours truly, Claptrap!

CASS: You fucking abducted me so you could have an intervention? For what!?

CLAPTRAP: Because of your reviews, where you pointed out certain individuals who have been offended! Words hurt, you know!

CLAPTRAP: In fact, one of the intervening parties has plans to file a lawsuit against you for defemation!

>>>>

*Cass rushes to his apartment.*

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: Nope. Nope. Fuck this. Fuck you. And fuck your intervention!

>>>>

*The door closes behind him. Claptrap rolls towards it and starts banging on the door.*

\/Open Log:\/

CLAPTRAP: Hey! You come out of there right this minute, or I'll get Princess Celestia to break down your door!

CASS: FUCK YOU!

>>>>

*Claptrap bangs on the door harder.*

\/Open Log:\/

CLAPTRAP: Urggh! This isn't working!

CLAPTRAP: C'mon, buddy, we got a deadline to keep! We're on the air in an hour!

CASS: Kiss my ass!

>>>>

*He rolls over to Dave.*

\/Open Log:\/

CLAPTRAP: Strider, get him out here!

DAVE: what

CLAPTRAP: Cass has locked himself in his room, get him out!

DAVE: how much are you willing to pay me

CLAPTRAP: Pay you? You're a volunteer! You don't get paid!

DAVE: bullshit

CLAPTRAP: It's not bull*CENSORED*! You're a volunteer, which means you're a minion! Now go do what your master tells you to do, minion!

DAVE: jawohl señor claptrap san

>>>>

*Dave goes up to the door.*

\/Open Log:\/

DAVE: hey boy

DAVE: yes you boy

DAVE: this is ground control to major cass can you hear me major cass

CASS: Who the hell is this!?

DAVE: you have a viewport on your door maybe you should check that

>>>>

*Cass checks the viewport and then opens the door.*

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: Dave Strider?

DAVE: ding ding ding we have a winner

DAVE: come up to collect your prize of absolutely nothing

DAVE: sorry i dont make the rules on that one

CASS: What are you doing here? Are you a part of that chickenshit intervention? I don't hate you...

DAVE: oh thats good to know youdve made me feel like a complete dick otherwise

DAVE: no im not a part of the intervention i got dragged here by roxy

DAVE: you know roxy right well of course you do you know her from the same shit that that stupid robot keeps rambling about

DAVE: so who did you piss off to get kidnapped

CASS: God, the universe, the Kingdom of Equestria, apparently.

DAVE: oh wow you pissed off the ponies

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: You're really Dave, right? Not some cosplayer?

DAVE: nope im the genuine product

DAVE: dave strider as played by dave strider

DAVE: featuring the voice of dave strider the original dave strider

CASS: Sorry, I'm still trying to make sure I'm not hallucinating, or something.

DAVE: no youre not hallucinating and youre not dissociating

DAVE: we are really doing this man we are making it happen

DAVE: youre a spaceman harry welcome to the space jam

ROXY: ofgm is dat him

DAVE: yeah thats the guy theyre roasting

CASS: WHAT!?

DAVE: like flava flav roast not like cooking roast

ROXY: dan ur tall af

ROXY: *dam

ROXY: *dammn

CASS: Please don't hit on me, I'm like way outta your age range.

ROXY: no im not

ROXY: may not seem day wae bc of timeline schanayagans but yea were like 19

CASS: That literally makes no sense.

ROXY: wale fuk u its da tooth

ROXY: *truf

ROXY: **truth

DAVE: dont mind her shes drunk

ROXY: omg daev im not drunk im drinkin

ROXY: get a spellchek lolz

CASS: But why is she drinking? Last thing I recall from Homestuck was-

DAVE: i thought we already established that theres been a big timegap between that thing youre talking about and now

DAVE: lets say she went through a rough time and hit the sauce to cope with it

CASS: Did everyone else have a relapse like that?

DAVE: nah mainly her and the serkets

DAVE: id blame john but to be fair he and i are kind of still friends even if hes turned into a bit of a dick in the past few years

CASS: He's not involved in this, is he?

DAVE: no hes not a part of the intervention

DAVE: at least i hope not because i think we have enough pissed off people am i right

ROXY: dont worry about him bae

CASS: ...Did you just call me bae?

CASS: I thought I told you to stop hitting on me.

ROXY: wat r u my dad or sumfin

ROXY: wel lol u do kinda look liek 1

CASS: ...What?

ROXY: ye like janeys dad lolz

ROXY: *wonk*

CASS: ...

>>>>

*The source of the honking comes closer...*

\/Open Log:\/

GAMZEE: wAsSuP, mOtHeRfUcKeR? :o)

CASS: Keep that clown a good ten inches away from me.

GAMZEE: wHaT's WrOnG wItH mE, bRo?

CASS: You're a crazy killer clown from outer space?

CASS: I know what you're capable of, you can't pull off the innocent look with me-

TACKLEPOUNCE!

Before you can finish your rant, you are tackled by something pink that goes so fast it sounds like a bullet going by your head, but makes squeaky sounds when both of you hit the ground.

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

PINKIE: Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie!

PINKIE: I know we're here because you don't like me, but it's nice to meet you!

CASS: Oh my God, I'm gonna fucking die.

>>>>

*He gets up, just to...*

\/Open Log:\/

????????: Helloooooooo!!!!!!!!

GAMZEE: Oh FuCk.

!!!

*EXCLAMATION MARK!*

Oh fuck is right.

Walking down the hallway as a loudspeaker plays "Insane In The Brain" is a character you've had a love/hate relationship with as a fan for well over two years. VRISKA SERKET.

You don't quite know how to respond. All your mind goes to is that YouTube video of a goat screaming.

>>>>

*The two meet face to face.*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: Got a staring pro8lem?

CASS: Um...I...

VRISKA: You're quite the talker, aren't you, 8oyyyyyyyy.

Cass: Respond.

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: I...uh...

CASS: Wow! You're not dead?

CLAPTRAP: Hey! That's my line!

>>>>

SPIDERRRRRRRRR PUNCH!

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: UMPH!*

(author's note, stop this at 2 secs)

>>>>

*THUD*

One second you're staring at one of your favorite characters, the next you're on the floor after being decked right in the face by said favorite character.

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: That was my fucking nose!

VRISKA: (8sshole!)

>>>>

cass
Rat Egg

Posts: 23

ClusterFugde: A Multifandom Mishmash Fanfic. Apr 7, 2018 23:08:37 GMT -6

Quote

Post by cass on Apr 7, 2018 23:08:37 GMT -6

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF...
INTERESTING INTERVENTIONS!
*Music*
CLAPTRAP: Hellooooooo viewers! Welcome to another exciting episode of Interesting Interventions!
CLAPTRAP: Today's person of interest has sparked up controversy for his comments towards several people in authority, which has led to this episode! Say hello to DarthCK, otherwise known as Cass!
CASS: Why am I here?
CLAPTRAP: Cass is a self-proclaimed expert critic of video games and television shows, and has written in great detail about his enjoyment of first person shooters, his disdain for the authority of Equestria, a phobia of giant floating monkey heads, and a questionable obsession with a webcomic known as Homestuck!
CLAPTRAP: He previously believed no one had seen his reviews and tangents, but now he must now face the reality that nothing you do on the internet is truly anonymous, as his works have spread from the far corners of his now-destroyed home planet to the Mobius Refuge, and to the edges of Hyperion controlled-space. even if that material would be outlawed!
CLAPTRAP: We've gathered a group of individuals who have been insulted by this critic to intervene and possibly reconcile their differences, and for one,, possibly avoiding a lengthy and costly lawsuit! So! Let's begin the role-call!

Role call!

\/Open Log:\/

CLAPTRAP: The first of our special guests is a highblooded Alternian troll, professional baker and clown cultist who is disliked by Cass for reasons unexplained! Everyone please give a mother*CENSORED* warm welcome to GAMZEE MAKARA!
GAMZEE: :o)
CLAPTRAP: Second hails from the realm of Equestria, and is its very leader itself, the Princess of the Sun, and the champion of the Royal Pie-Eating Contest three centuries running! This alicorn has ruled for several eons, is the mentor of Twilight Sparkle, and hated by Cass for her supposed 'idiocy' and political decisions! So, let's welcome Princess Celetia!
CELESTIA: I am most grateful for the opportunity to be here, Sir Claptrap of Pandora.
CLAPTRAP: If I had cheeks, I'd be blushing! Third also hails from Equestria! She's the Element of Laughter, monopoly-holder of the Equestrian pastry market, renown party thrower, and record-breaker for most amount of times violating physics and reality! She's hyper, pink, and disliked for her tenacity to bend the fourth wall more times than a John DiMaggio character with metal! Please put your hooves together for Pinkie Pie!
PINKIE: Hi, everypony! Smile, smile, smile!
CLAPTRAP: Next, we must apologize in advance because the guy who was supposed to be here tragically died after taking a visit to a place called 'The Sierra Madre', which sounds like a movie Boris Karloff would be in! So let's instead give a round of applause to shades-wearing 'coolkid' who-totally-didn't-show-up-for-no-reason, Dave Strider!
DAVE: fuck no that guy sounds like a total douchebag poser
CLAPTRAP: Next, to help moderate the whole ordeal, and also because we couldn't get anyone in the Cornerian military, we've gotten hold of the sister of renown author Rose Lalonde, Roxy Lalonde!
ROXY: les get krukn
ROXY: *kruk
ROXY: fukkit im 2 drunk 5 dis shit
CLAPTRAP: Coming to us from the kingdom of Albion, this alleged-Hero's parties would put Pinkie's to shame! Here's Lord Reaver!
REAVER: Salutations, everyone. Let's have some fun.
CLAPTRAP: And finally, we have the great fortune to be joined by someone who was magically saved before the destruction of his Earth through bullshit writing, NyteBlade himse-
VRISKA: H8Y!!!!!!!! Don't you dareeeeeeee forget a8out me, you rusty hunk of scrap!
CLAPTRAP: *CENSORED* I AM TALKING HERE-
CLAPTRAP: Wait, where's Josh Birk? Why are you sitting in his spot?
VRISKA: I'm sitting in myyyyyyyy spot, thank you very much! I'm just resting my legs on his!
VRISKA: Also, he's........kind of dead.
CLAPTRAP: HOW THE *CENSORED* DID THAT HAPPEN!?
DAVE: he offered a certain someone human money to twerk in front of his face and she used her bullshit mind powers to make him run into the nearest airlock and i think we can all figure out the rest from there
CLAPTRAP: And who are you, again?
VRISKA: I'm Vriska Serket!
CLAPTRAP: *CENSORED*, I don't have a queue card for that! Quick, cut to commercial!
CLAPTRAP: We'll begin this intervention, starting with Gamzee, right after the break!

Commence commercial break.

\/Open Log:\/

CLAPTRAP: Okay, folks! We've got five minutes of ads before we're back on air!
CASS: This is fucked.
DAVE: are you capable of saying anything besides fuck
CASS: Yes...it's just that fuck kind of slips in.
DAVE: mhm sure
DAVE: but yeah this is messed up i was promised apple juice and i do not see any lying around at all
DAVE: im convinced i was lied to

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: So...
CASS: What do you think about-
DAVE: if youre about to ask me about relationships youre wasting your time
DAVE: because if im right about who youre gonna ask me about then im just gonna shoot you down like youre a discharged colonel over the sea of japan
DAVE: and that plane is gonna spin in and there will be no survivors much like in that relationship
CASS: Can we agree to leave the M*A*S*H references to me from now on?
DAVE: no
DAVE: but since you completely ignored my message im going to have to remind you that youre about to ask me what your chances are with an alien woman who is known to be a manipulative abusive sociopath
DAVE: but this is stuff you allegedly should know
CASS: But maybe she's changed?
DAVE: maybe except she didnt at all
DAVE: shes the same vriska serket you read about except shes older and a little more pissy
DAVE: if anything shes gotten worse
CASS: Then why is she eyeing me?
DAVE: shes probably gonna try and lure you in and then kill you
DAVE: you know like the spider she is
CASS: You're not pulling my leg here, are you?
DAVE: look at my face cass
DAVE: does this face look like its pulling your leg?
CASS: Dave, you have the same emotionless expression on your face that you almost always have.
DAVE: shit youre right

And over to Vriska...

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: What's the story a8out him?
ROXY: idfk u tel me
VRISKA: I don't want to tell you, I'm asking you!
ROXY: i told u ifdk i only know i betta get paid 4 dis
ROXY: i meen im already fuckin set 4 lyfe but 2b on reality tv u betta pay my tab 4 the next decay lol
ROXY: shit i ment decayde
ROXY: *decade
VRISKA: So you know nothing a8out him?
ROXY: no moar den u bby
VRISKA: So you don't know why he'd 8e eyeing me like he has?
ROXY: dats simple
ROXY: ur beauty ur grace ur punhced him in da face
ROXY: *punched
VRISKA: ::::/
ROXY: hey dont look at me in dat tone of voice if u wonna find out wat his deal is u axe him
ROXY: witout punching him dis tiem
ROXY: *time

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

CLAPTRAP: Break's over! Everyone back to your seats! Chop chop!

ROUND ONE: GaMzEe MoThErFuCkInG mAkArA.

\/Open Log:\/

CLAPTRAP: Aaaaaaand we're back! Yes!
CLAPTRAP: As we said before the break, our first resolution will be with Gamzee Makara! And let's begin!
CASS: He's literally a walking timebomb. Like, even more so than Pinkie Pie!
GAMZEE: hOnK.
CASS: See that? He's honking. When he does that, that means he's about to go Postal!
GAMZEE: yOu JuSt NeEd To ReLaX, bRo.
GAMZEE: I'm NiCe AnD mOtHeRfUcKiNg BaKeD. iT's AlL gOoD.
CASS: He's on the sopor again?
GAMZEE: hElL mOtHeRfUcKiNg yEaH.
CASS: I have some serious doubts about that.
CASS: I think something else is going on...like you're being controlled!
CASS: And even if you weren't, after all the Karkat, shoosh-papping, you may have not have killed anyone, but you did fucking harass Terezi and Karkat to the point where one of them stopped being your moirail and the other...I don't even want to know!
CASS: Oh? And did I forget to mention the unholy abominations of space and time you made? Because I haven't forgotten that!
REAVER: Ohhh my, sounds like the life of the party!
CASS: Oh God, is he gonna be acting like the mainstream media's 'creepy George Takei'? Whyyyyyyy?
GAMZEE: bRuH, iT's BeEn MoThErFuCkInG sWeEpS, lEt It Go. It'S aLl WaTeR uNdEr ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg BrIdGe.
GAMZEE: AnD nO oNe'S jUdGiNg YoU fOr YoUr MoThErFuCkInG lIfEcHoIcEs.
CASS: That's literally what they're doing by having me here and YOU MADE TAVRISPRITE, YOU MURDEROUS, RAMPAGING, SON OF A BITCH!

>>>>

*Gamzee starts crying.*

\/Open Log:\/

GAMZEE: wHy Do YoU hAvE tO bE sO mOtHeRfUcKiNg MeAn? :,o(
GAMZEE: AlL i WaNtEd To Do WaS bE yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiNg BrO aNd YoU jUsT tHrOw InSuLtS iN mY mOtHeRfUcKiNg FaCe.
CLAPTRAP: Look what you did, Cass! You made him cry!
*Claptrap plays a booing track.*

Cass: Attempt resolution.

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: Shit, Gamz, I thought you were cool, once too, you know...
CASS: I mean, that was before you went crazy, but even still, if there was a glimmer of hope you could reform, like other characters had, I'm sure we could've been bros at some point...
CASS: But, have you really changed?
GAMZEE: *SnIfF* yEs... :,o(
CASS: Well, that's a start, then...
CASS: So...bros?
GAMZEE: MoThErFuCkInG yEaH!

Cass: Hug Gamzee.

*The two hug.*

RESOLUTION FOUND.

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: Oh my God, you smell.
GAMZEE: sOrRy, BrO.

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

CLAPTRAP: Now, that was happy, wasn't it? See, kids, everyone can turn a new leaf! Except for the evil trees from The Happening, because those leaves will kill you!
CLAPTRAP: We'll be back with the next guest, after these messages!

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: Another commercial break?
CLAPTRAP: Do you know how expensive it is to run a show like this?
CASS: Easy enough for Steve Harvey...
CLAPTRAP: Get your refreshments, before it starts back up! ¡Arriba, Arriba!
CASS: Screw this...
CASS: Is there any soda at this fucking thing!?
GAMZEE: oNlY mOtHeRfUcKiNg FaYgO, bRo.
CASS: Christ...

>>>>

*Vriska and Roxy watch as he gets up and goes to the refreshment table...*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: So, what should I do?
ROXY: go tlk 2 him dummy

Vriska: Approach the Cass.

*She walks up to him...*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: Hi!
CASS: Oh, shit-
VRISKA: Relaaaaaaaax, I'm not gonna punch you again!
CASS: The fact we even have to say 'again' does not spell good things.
VRISKA: If it makes you feel 8etter, I'm sorry.
CASS: Okay, apology accepted.
CASS: Is there, uh, something you need?
VRISKA: Yeah, why was 'you're not dead' your first reaction to me?
CASS: You know that Homestuck thing Claptrap was rambling about?
VRISKA: No.
CASS: Let's put it this way, y'all are a bunch of legends where I'm from. Or was from.
CASS: That is to say, legends in the form of a webcomic.
VRISKA: We8comic?
CASS: Yeah, like xkcd, VGCats, Ctrl-Alt-Del?
VRISKA: We didn't have those 8ack on Alternia.
CASS: Wow...
VRISKA: Don't 8lame me! I didn't want to 8e 8orn in a tyrannical society more focused on shedding 8lood and genocide than on stuuuuuuuupid we8comics!

Vriska: Inquire.

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: Is there anything you do, 8esides write stuff that pisses people off?
CASS: Yeah...I draw. Badly.
CASS: Other than that I most play video games and watch shitty movies.
VRISKA: Like?
CASS: Cruddy shooters. Halo and Call of Duty, most of the time. Other times I play stuff like Fallout and Skyrim.
VRISKA: ........
CASS: ...Quake? Doom? Saints Row?
VRISKA: ................
CASS: Um...shit...Far Cry?
VRISKA: ........................
CASS: Christ, Vriska...
VRISKA: Whaaaaaaaat????????
CASS: Are there games you have played? Human ones?
VRISKA: Rose had this old 'playst8ion' with a stupid kid using a key for a sword........
CASS: Oh, Kingdom Hearts?
CASS: I don't play that.
VRISKA: You s8ck!!!!!!!!
CASS: You suck!

>>>>

*They go to their respective corners.*

\/Open Log:\/

DAVE: reel smooth
CASS: Shut up!

\/Open Log:\/

ROXY: how did it og
ROXY: *go
VRISKA: He had a 8unch of weird images going through his think pan. I don't know what his pro8lem is.
VRISKA: Like, he seems nice, 8uuuuuuuut........
ROXY: omg du u leik him
VRISKA: No!!!!!!!! 8ut I think he might like me........

>>>>

ROUND TWO: PRINCESS CELESTIA.

\/Open Log:\/

CLAPTRAP: And we're back on Interesting Interventions, where things are starting to get heated up between our person of interest and the next guest!
CELESTIA: You stand charged with defamation and slander against myself and the throne of Equestria! How do you plead?
CASS: With protest and offense! Slander is spoken, libel is printed!
CELESTIA: Your referential humour shall not distract me form the matter at hand!
CASS: I’m sorry, but you’re a fucking stupid leader! And no intervening or cease-and-desist is going to make me say or think otherwise!
CELESTIA: Are you aware that failure to comply with our request will result in a class-action lawsuit? Do you think you stand any sort of chance against the state of Equestria and the royal Canterlot courts?
CASS: Hey, Strider, what’s the name of this spaceship?
DAVE: your mom
CASS: …Hahaha. Okay smartass, what’s the actual name of the ship?
DAVE: that is the actual name of the ship
DAVE: its a random space personnel carrier transport so its rspct your mom
DAVE: you think im kidding but im not
DAVE: i am being completely fucking serious
DAVE: if i was any more dead serious id actually have to be dead
DAVE: and that would mean this is a doomed timeline and were all going to die
DAVE: and we wouldnt want that would we
CASS: No Dave, we wouldn’t. Thank you.
CASS: Anyways…Hey, Your Mom to Celestia, holding a court hearing over at Canterlot would be something us humans like to call a ‘conflict of interests’. Besides, the only person in the royal system that I’ve said is stupid has been you, because your sister is competent, Cadence is competent and has bullshit love magic, and Twilight may be crazy but not ‘stupid’. Plus, I have had evidence to prove why you are not a very good ruler so this is not some sort of slander campaign against you.
CELESTIA: I reject your evidence for what it is: boldfaced lies!
CASS: Reject it all you want, lady. Just shows your arrogance.
CELESTIA: Me? Arrogant? Speak for yourself!
CASS: That would imply I was wrong, which I'm not.
CELESTIA: You're starting to annoy me...
CASS: Oh look, I angered the Dunce Crown!

>>>>

*Celestia begins to be engulfed in rage...*

\/Open Log:\/

CELESTIA: DUNCE CROWN!?

>>>>

Lightning shoots from her horn (just roll with it), which you dodge, only for the stream of electricity to strike Claptrap instead, sending him on the fritz before he collapses, dead. The crew -but not the guests- scatter like clockwork, and across the multiverse, the shows' ratings skyrocket.

But now, you have a raging alicorn who wants to murder you! Or, at least, royally whoop your ass. Though, that might also make the ratings explode, as well.

You need to think of a quick response, one that doesn't involve murder.

Hmm, what would McGuyver do?

Cass: What would McGuyver do?

You realize that you have no idea what McGuyver would do. You barely even know anything about that show, other than that's what Richard Dean Anderson was known for before Stargate SG-1. WHY ARE YOU EVEN THINKING ABOUT MCGUYVER!?

Wait...TO THE REFRESHMENT TABLE!

Cass:

*He picks up an untouched cake sitting by the refreshments.*

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: Hey Celestia!? Have your cake...

Cass: Now throw the cake.

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: AND EAT IT, TOO!

>>>>

The cake goes flying right into the Princess' face.

\/Open Log:\/

CELESTIA: If thou wishes to engage in a food fight, so be it!

>>>>

Unfortunately, at this point ship security has arrived, and tackle Celestia right before she can grab another pastry off the table with alicorn magic. They then proceed to drag her off as a few Earth Ponies in tuxes cover her up.

Why they waited until now to show up is beyond you, but you're not complaining...much.

RESOULTION...FOUND?

cass
Rat Egg

Posts: 23

ClusterFugde: A Multifandom Mishmash Fanfic. Apr 7, 2018 23:49:43 GMT -6

Quote

Post by cass on Apr 7, 2018 23:49:43 GMT -6

\/Open Log:\/

PINKIE: My turn!
CASS: Don't you fucking throw a pie at me!
PINKIE: Aw...meanie!
PINKIE: But that's not what I meant, either, silly!
CASS: Well, there's not much point in continuing this thing, the host is dead!
DAVE: congratulations cass you destroyed a tv show
DAVE: though all things considered this series probably wouldnt have made it to a full season either because of idiot studio execs or tmz

>>>>

*Dave notices the camera is still on.*

\/Open Log:\/

DAVE: hey look were still on the air
GAMZEE: sUp My MoTheRfuCkErS oUt ThErE oN tHe WeIrD rEcOrDiNg DeViCe.
PINKIE: Silly Gamzee, that’s a camera!
GAMZEE: oOh, My BaD sIs.
GAMZEE: My NaMe Is GaMzEe MaKaRa, AnD yOu’Re TuNiNg In To A mOtHeRfUcKiNg InTeRvEnTiOn SpEcIaL-
DAVE: hang on there clown man ill handle this

>>>>

*Dave prepares to do a shitty rap*

\/Open Log:\/

DAVE: yo space ladies and space guys watching this tonight
DAVE: dave fucking striders about to spit out some rhymes with bite
DAVE: me a robot ponies and some bitchin trolls too
DAVE: just went harbinger on this guys reviews
DAVE: now were gonna sit down an do an intervention-
GAMZEE: AnD mAkE eVeRyOnE mOtHeRfUcKiNg BrOs ThRoUgh ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiRaClE oF rEcOnCiLiAtIoN.
GAMZEE: :o)

>>>>

*RECORD SCRATCH*

\/Open Log:\/

DAVE: jesus fuck
DAVE: you did not just do that
DAVE: you did not just bust into my rap and wreck it with your carnival hijinks
DAVE: you bastard
GAMZEE: :oP
ROXY: oh snapple
ROXY: shits gunna go dowb
ROXY: *down
DAVE: now you fucked up
DAVE: its on now like the wrath of khan
DAVE: you better make peace with your icp gods because im about to do some clown killing up in this bitch
REAVER: Oh…no. I don’t have anything for that one.

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: I mean, other than the fourth wall violations, I can't really say I have any real issues with you. Applejack, on the other hand...
PINKIE: What's wrong with Applejack!?
CASS: She's a fucking monopoly holder! And a die-hard conservative!
CASS: I mean, everyone's got conservative views to some extent, but she's borderline a Republican lobbyist!
PINKIE: What's a Republican?
CASS: Oh, right, I forgot you lived under a tyrannical dictator and her more chill sister, my mista-

>>>>

*Gamzee's eyes metaphorically ignite.*

\/Open Log:\/

GAMZEE: THE MOTHERFUCK DID YOUR BLASPHEMOUS TALKHOLE UTTER, MOTHERFUCKER!?
CASS: Oh, fuckbuckets!
VRISKA: Watch your m8uth!

Cass: Observe the fact Gamzee has, in fact, lost it, and you were right all along.

\/Open Log:\/

GAMZEE: I WILL TEAR YOUR HEART FROM YOUR CHEST FOR DARING TO SPEAK SUCH HERESY AGAINST THE MOTHERFUCKING CLOWN GODS
GAMZEE: I WILL GRIND YOUR BONES INTO DUST TO MAKE MY MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLES, AND CONTINUE THE MOTHERFUCKING MARCH TO GLORIOUS MOTHERFUCKING SALVATION.
GAMZEE: PREPARE FOR THE DARK MOTHERFUCKING CARNIVAL, MOTHERFUCKER.
CASS: Yeah...he's half-lost it, half-quoting Halo 2.
CASS: I'm not sticking around to get murdered. I'm out!

Cass: Abscond.

*Runs off to his residence.*

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: (And I raaaaaaaaan, I ran so far awaayyyy!)

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

ROXY: um fresca
VRISKA: What?
ROXY: i think we shud gfto
ROXY: *gotf
ROXY: **gtfo*
ROXY: FUCK
VRISKA: Are you kidding? This is the most entertaining thing that's happened all d8y!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: No way I'm missing this!
ROXY: k haev it ur way

>>>>

*Roxy absconds, and Gamzee starts tossing around the security meant to restrain him.*

\/Open Log:\/

GUARD: *Wilhelms*
VRISKA: On second thoughhhhhhhht........ROXY W8 FOR M8!!!!!!!!

Vriska: A8scond.

*She runs off next, in the same direction as Roxy.*

\/Open Log:\/

DAVE: yeah ill brb too
VRISKA: What's the matter, cooooollll kid, scared of clownnnnnnnns????????
DAVE: no im gonna get some back up so we dont all die horribly-

>>>>

He doesn't get the chance to take a step, because in a flash, both DIRK STRIDER and LATULA PYROPE show up.

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

DIRK: Sup.
DAVE: shit that was quick
DIRK: Thank Roxy.
DIRK: Do you want to help, or are Latula and I going to have to handle this ourselves?
LATULA: n4w, w3 got th1s! d4m4r4 t4ught m3 sum s1ck tr1cks w1th 4 tusk3do1nkb34st-t13!
DAVE: okay i dont even want to know what circumstance led to those lessons
DAVE: but yeah sign me up i totally want to die to a clown

>>>>

*Vriska looks over at Roxy...*

\/Open Log:\/

ROXY: omfg cash u open dis dor rite now!!!
*Sounds of video games in the background.*
ROXY: holy fuk u r not playin videja gaems while were abuot 2 die
ROXY: *abott
ROXY: **ABOUT
ROXY: fuck

Vriska: You try.

*Vriska steps up to the door.*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: Cass, open the door, pleeeeeeeease!!!!!!!!
CASS: Fuck no!
VRISKA: 8ut I thought y8u liiiiiiiiked me!!!!!!!!
CASS: YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!
VRISKA: I can read your miiiiiiiind!!!!!!!!
CASS: YOU STAY OUT OF THERE!
VRISKA: C'moooonnnn!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: If you open up, I promise not to use my mind powers on you anym8rrrrrrrre!!!!!!!!
CASS: THAT'S A LIE AND YOU KNOW IT!
ROXY: he got u ther
VRISKA: Laaaaaaaast chaaaaaaaance!

Vriska: Manipul8.

With hard work and determination, you manage to take control of Cass, who moved his Xbox to the main room and started playing it on the TV in there in order to drown out the madness going on outside. Oh god, HE IS IMPOSSIBLE TO STEER.

Vriska: Make him open the door!

He slams face first into the door, and your connection to his brain severs.

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

ROXY: hey bruh u ok in ther
CASS: Fuck the both of you.

*The door opens up.*

\/Open Log:\/

ROXY: im in
CASS: How the fuck...
ROXY: #haxor voice
VRISKA: Why didn't you just do that instead of making me-
ROXY: gurl i ddnt maek y do shiz
ROXY: *shit
ROXY: u did dat on ur own accordian
CASS: Accordian...

>>>>

*As Cass starts to get back up, Vriska and Roxy enter the residence.*

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: Wait, wait! Who said you could come into my hou-
VRISKA: I did!
CASS: Fucking hell...fine. Make yourselves at home.
ROXY: holy shat u got liquor in her
ROXY: *here
CASS: It's not mine.
ROXY: fine den i claim dis shit for the free st8 of roxy
CASS: Oh God, please don't. You're drunk enough.
ROXY: 8nt no such thing buoy
CASS: Yes, there is!
ROXY: shaddup caas mom needs her happy juice

>>>>

*Roxy starts getting into the Maker's Mark, while Vriska checks out the Xbox...*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: Whatcha playing?
CASS: DON'T MOVE THE XBOX, THERE'S A DISC IN IT!
VRISKA: I didn't!
CASS: Okay, then. Sorry...
CASS: I was playing GTA V...

>>>>

*Vriska starts playing the game.*

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: NO, DON'T START KILLING THE PEDESTRIANS!
VRISKA: 8ut it's fuuuuuuuuuun!!!!!!!!
CASS: GIMME THE CONTROLER BACK!
VRISKA: No!

>>>>

*He gets thrown onto the sofa.*

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: AHHH! {Author's notes, stop after 4:27}]

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

REAVER: Almost landed on my lap, there.
CASS: HOW DID YOU GET IN!?
REAVER: I teleported in. I'm a Hero, remember?
CASS: Are those clothes clean?
REAVER: Mildly.
CASS: Ugh...

>>>>

So, you spend the next half-hour chilling, and watching Vriska get frustrated with getting killed by the cops on GTA. Reaver, much like Roxy, has seen to it to enjoy the whiskey your parents left at the camp, while Roxy HAS BASICALLY DRANK HERSELF INTO A COMA. You, on the other hand, have started to load up your guns in the event that Gamzee tries to bust in, NOT THAT THAT WOULD HELP. Doesn't hurt to try, though.

>>>>

*There's a knocking on the door.*

\/Open Log:\/

????: [small]hello?[/small]
VRISKA: !!!!!!!!
????: [small]any one home?[/small]
CASS: Now who wants to show up!?
VRISKA: No one's h8re! Go aw8y!!!!!!!!
CASS: What's-
VRISKA: (Sh8t up!)
CASS: (Who is it?)
VRISKA: (I said shut 8p! He can hear us!)
????: [small]i can hear you whispering![/small]
VRISKA: F8CK YOU AND YOUR 8REATH A8ILIT8ES, JOHN!!!!!!!!
CASS: Wait, you mean to tell me that that's-
VRISKA: John Eg8ert.

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

John: Enter.

Suddenly, the door opens, and a young man enters the room. It is JOHN EGBERT, Heir of Breath, and arguably the most powerful Player of all Sburb/Sgrub. Vriska seems filled with both terror and anger at the sight of him.

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

JOHN: hi, everyone!

>>>>

*He glares at Cass.*

\/Open Log:\/

JOHN: who is this douche bag?

[/spoiler]

Continued in the next post...

cass
Rat Egg

Posts: 23

ClusterFugde: A Multifandom Mishmash Fanfic. Apr 7, 2018 23:56:22 GMT -6

Quote

Post by cass on Apr 7, 2018 23:56:22 GMT -6

\/Open Log:\/

JOHN: who is this douche bag?
VRISKA: None of your 8usiness!
CASS: Hi, I'm Cass, and HOW DID YOU GET IN!?
JOHN: a magician never reveals his secrets!
CASS: The door was still unlocked after Roxy hacked into it, wasn't it.
JOHN: you're no fun.
VRISKA: John, why are you here?

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

JOHN: well, when i saw you earlier, i was hoping to-
VRISKA: Whatever you were 'hoping' to get, you won't get from me!
JOHN: i wanted to apoligze for what happened? is that too much?
VRISKA: You left me to d8e!!!!!!!!
JOHN: i panicked! and this was after you attacked me!
JOHN: what, did you expect me not to defend my self!?
VRISKA: I expected you to finish wh8t you started, and not wuss out!!!!!!!!
JOHN: i didn't want to kill any one that night! be lucky that you're even here, sheesh!
VRISKA: Oh, yes, I guess I aaaaaaaaam in your de8t again! How foolish of me!
VRISKA: Oh, I'm soooooooo sorry, Master Eg8errrrrrrrt, I should know 8etter than to speak to you like that!!!!!!!! Is there anything I can do to appease you????????
JOHN: ...

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: Okay, I'm about to fucking lose it here! WHY ARE YOU ALL IN MY HOUSE!?
CASS: HAVING ROXY AND VRISKA IN WAS NOT AN OPEN FUCKING INVITATION!
JOHN: well, i came here because-
REAVER: Oh, but it was! And we've not yet resolved our differences!
CASS: Resolving? Resolving what? I know about you well enough to know you're not gonna change or anything?
REAVER: Well, what do you think you know about me?
CASS: Well, for starters...you're a pervert.
REAVER: Aren't we all?
CASS: No no, you're the type that fuck oogles over college girls with short shorts on and, like, spies on people's houses just to video tape them.
REAVER: That is a grave overexaggeration! I may be eccentric, but I am no predator!
CASS: You fucking have people shipped from faraway lands to go fight in your bullshit arenas, where your house guests for you...uh...'sessions' would also participate!
REAVER: You have me there.
CASS: And you used child laborers in your factories!
REAVER: Which isn't illegal in Albion!
CASS: IT'S IMMORAL!
REAVER: And playing a bunch of video games that glorify killing isn't?
CASS: A video game is not the same as LITERAL CHILD LABOR!
REAVER: True enough.
JOHN: hey! i was talking, ass hole!
REAVER: Quiet, windy boy, the grown ups are talking.

>>>>

*Cass then turns his attention to John.*

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: And you! Egbitch!
JOHN: egbitch? rude!
CASS: You know what else is rude? Trespassing.
CASS: And look, I don't know what drama you got between you and Vriska, but do you have to drag it out in here!?
JOHN: gamzee's flipping his shit outside, so i wasn't going to take it out there.
JOHN: plus, i saw you guys headed into this residence, and i had heard there was some ass hole they were filming a tv episode for, so i wanted to see what was up.
VRISKA: You mean, you wanted to spy on us!
JOHN: no, i wasn't spying! i just wanted to see who all the fuss was about.
CASS: Yeah, because, you know, I'm like Seinfeld or Raymond, everyone loves me.
CASS: Does that make you Newman, then?
JOHN: i have no idea what you're talking about!
VRISKA: John, I don't know why you feel the need to 8e a guardian or whatever, 8ecause I want nothing to do with you.
VRISKA: There is no 'us', there never has 8een an 'us'! I've made it a8undantely clear we are not and never will 8e a th8ng!!!!!!!!
JOHN: okay, but what makes you think this dude will be any better?
JOHN: he's got a freaking assault rifle sitting on his kitchen table!
CASS: And that automatically makes me a bad guy? Have you seen Jake's room?
JOHN: what?
CASS: Oh for the love of-
VRISKA: Are you trying to imply that I have a thing with this guy!?!?!?!?
CASS: We just met, like a couple of hours ago!
JOHN: yeah, and now you're hanging out with each other in his place, like you're old friends!
CASS: Okay, I can explain that-

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: John, LE8VE!!!!!!!!
JOHN: if you two aren't together, why are you letting her walk all over you?
CASS: She and Roxy forced their way in!
JOHN: and you still let them stay!
CASS: Dude, it's Vriska fucking Serket, I ain't messing with that.
JOHN: clearly you are, if you're letting her do that!
VRISKA: We're not together!!!!!!!!
CASS: Yeah! And such...
CASS: Now, can you get the fuck out already?
JOHN: no! i'm not done yet!
CASS: Yeah, you are. Because I'm asking you to leave!
VRISKA: Just go away and let us play games in peace, sheesh!!!!!!!!

>>>>

*John takes out his hammer...*

\/Open Log:\/

JOHN: okay, let's get the distractions out of the way, then!

>>>>

He brings his hammer down upon your TV, your Xbox 360, and the stand that it stands on, destroying all three. And also the Wii, a few games for it, some of your sister's chick flicks, and your Apples-to-Apples card game.

You watch in horror, trying not to scream, as one of the few relics of your planet, and the last possible Xbox 360 in existence, has just been destroyed right before your very eyes.

Cass: Question as to why he did that.

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: Dude. The fuck.
CASS: You just smashed my fucking Xbox.
CASS: Why!?
JOHN: to teach you a lesson?
CASS: WHAT ON GOD'S GREY, EXPLODED EARTH CHUNKS WERE YOU TRYING TO TEACH ME!?
JOHN: to not mess with me, or blow me off.
JOHN: and definitely not to mess with some one's ex.
VRISKA: (John, if you imply we had a thing one more f8cking time the next thing to get sm8shed is your head!!!!!!!!)
CASS: And that required SMASHING MY FUCKING XBOX!?
JOHN: yeah? what did you expect me to use, harsh language?
CASS: YES, ANYTHING THAT DIDN'T INVOLVE SMASHING OTHER PEOPLE'S PROPERTY!
JOHN: dude, it's just a hunk of plastic. calm down-

Cass: Stay cool, and calm, and collect-

\/Open Log:\/

CASS:

CASS: CALM DOWN!? CALM DOWN!?
VRISKA: Gr8 going Eg8ert!!!!!!!!

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

REAVER: Oh, dearie. That left a bigger mess than the dog.
CASS: The fuck did you say?
REAVER: Oh, you see, we did bring your dog aboard, but it was decided he was too old and...
CASS: You...you put down my dog...?
REAVER: It was for the best! Trust me!
REAVER: Would've had him stuffed, but I figured-

Cass: Snap.

You pull the AMD 63 off the remains of the table, chamber a round, aim it the vicinity of Reaver.

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: FUCK YOUUUU!!!!

You then proceed to fire a quick burst into the perverted bastard, who drops dead as a result.

Why haven't you gone deaf from the sounds of gunfire? Perhaps John is doing some windy bullshit to protect the hearing of everyone in the room? You guess he's good for something.

He's still gonna die, though.

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

JOHN: are you going to shoot me, next?
CASS: Okay, maybe not shoot you, but I am gonna kick your ass, and then shoot you!
JOHN: not if i kick your ass first!

BOSS FIGHT!

*BOSS MUSICS*

The two men eye each other, like a spaghetti western, and ready their weapons. At once, they lunge at each other...

>>>>

(Stop the vid at 0:26)

\/Open Log:\/

ARANEA: ENOUGH.

>>>>

cass
Rat Egg

Posts: 23

ClusterFugde: A Multifandom Mishmash Fanfic. Apr 8, 2018 0:04:30 GMT -6

Quote

Post by cass on Apr 8, 2018 0:04:30 GMT -6

>>>>

*Both of them drop out of midair, under Aranea's influence.*

\/Open Log:\/

ARANEA: 8oth of you will cease fighting this instant.
JOHN: yes, mistress.
CASS: Yes, Mistress AraneaaaaaaaaaaACHTUNG!!!!!!!

*Cass breaks out of her control.*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: (Holy sh8t, how did he do th8t!?!?!?!?)
CASS: Oh, hellllllll, no! Egbert was bad enough, but you!? You can get the fuck out, right now!
ARANEA: And I would gladly removed myself from your hive, iiiiiiiif I could trust that I would not 8e leaving you to resume your petty squa88les while my descendant is forced to endure.
ARANEA: 8ut alas, I cannot. Therefore, I shall remain and ar8itr8 this ordeal.
ARANEA: Since you appear knowledga8le a8out my identity, I 8elieve I need no introduction. 8ut perhaps you would indulge me in identifying yourself?
CASS: I'm the guy they hosted that intervention for!
ARANEA: Ahhhhhhhh, I figured you were tied to the events outside.
VRISKA: (What are you doing here, I can handle myself!!!!!!!!)
ARANEA: Well, Vriska, I was tending to my own affairs when I heard what sounded like a horned 8aa8east in the halls of the ship. As well as several security alarms.
ARANEA: I stepped out to investig8 and found that the Striders had........how you say, hogtied Gamzee.
CASS: That was Dave's fault, not mine!
CASS: But that doesn't explain why you decided to come here.
ARANEA: I sensed that my descendant was in trou8le, and I felt like it had to do with previous encounters.
VRISKA: I didn't tell you anything, though!
ARANEA: You didn't need to, I can read minds, remem8er?
CASS: Yeah, but, I don't know how that has anything to do with you...
CASS: I mean, don't you have some big scheme to work on or something?
ARANEA: And what makes you 8elieve that?
CASS: You're ARANEA SERKET, you could run a scheming 101 class!

Let's be Vriska!

As Vriska, you hear a strange chirping sound from another room. While everyone else is arguing about conspiracies or whatever, maybe you should check out what that was?

Vriska: Investig8.

You enter the guest bedroom to find Cass' computer, which has someone woken up from sleep mode. Someone is messaging him on a program called 'Skype'.

Vriska: Read the chat.

\/Open ChatLog:\/

Sparkie: Cass?
Sparkie: I'm not sure how the fuck you're online, unless you're a bot.
Sparkie: But considering how no one else is responding, or ever will again, I'm gonna hope against hope that you're still alive.
Sparkie: What the fuck happened? And where are you?

Vriska: Answer.

\/Open Log:\/

DarthCK: Helloooooooo!!!!!!!!
Sparkie: Okay, you're responding. That's a start.
DarthCK: So who are you, one of Cass' 8uddies?
Sparkie: Cass, why are you roleplaying?
Sparkie: This is not the time to roleplay.
Sparkie: I need you to be collected, not living out your weird fantasies as Vriska Serket.
Sparkie: With her, as her, whatever.
DarthCK: Weird fantasies?
Sparkie: Yes, weird fantasies.
Sparkie: Or whatever the hell goes on in that brain of yours. If it's even still there.

Vriska: Check his computer.

This guy's been rambling about you online, as if he had some crazy crush on you or something. That's...creepy! And bookmarks of fanart...and a fanfiction in which you...room with John!?

Oh, fuuuuuuuuck no!

And back to Cass...

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: Can I pay you, or something, to get him out of here, before one of us ends up dead?
ARANEA: Certainly, if that's what you wish.
CASS: How much you want?
ARANEA: Nothing. I'll just get him out of your hair. On one condition.
CASS: Don't turn your back on the body?
ARANEA: Don't 8e too harsh on her.
CASS: Um...okay.

>>>>

Aranea then drags off John, who is still under her control, out of the residence.

You notice Vriska is no longer in the living room, and while you were distracted by Aranea's arrival, REAVER'S BODY HAS DISAPPEARED.

You can hear typing from the guest room...

Cass: Check it out!

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: What are you doing on my compu-

>>>>

*SLAM!*

You find yourself getting smacked in the face with your keyboard.

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: OW! Fucking shit!
VRISKA: Wh8t the f8ck is this!?
VRISKA: Here I was, just starting to think you weren't all that 8ad, 8ut you're just another freako!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Roleplays? Fanart? Who's Liara!? And what the fuck is Nightfall!?
CASS: I...
VRISKA: What, are you one of those creeps who likes those weird animes a8out maids!?!?!?!?
VRISKA: Do you h8ve any idea how creepy this sh8t is!?!?!?!? Huh!?
VRISKA: Well? Speak up, already!!!!!!!!

>>>>

She gets in your face, as you start to crawl into the fetal position. She's terrifying you, and unaware that she's about to push you past the breaking point.

Cass: Respond.

*He gets up.*

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: What do you want me to say, goddammit!? You can already read my fucking mind!
CASS: You already know I didn't fucking know you guys were real until moments after everything I knew and gave a shit about got fucking destroyed!
CASS: And you SHOULD already know that I liked your character! I thought she was cool, and well-developed! It didn't have a fucking thing to do with romance!
CASS: But I guess you missed that part! Here I was, hoping that you had changed, mellowed out in age, but noooooooo, Dave was right all fucking along! You've been giving me shit from the moment we first met!
CASS: You're still the same manipulative, abusive fucker who-
VRISKA: Who wh8t-!!!!!!!!

>>>>

*She looks like she's about to grab him...*

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!

Cass: React.

You shove her away.

>>>>

*She hits a cabinet...*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: So that's it then. You h8 me?
CASS: I hate you!
VRISKA: That's gr8, 8ecause I h8 you, too!!!!!!!! You good-for-nothing w8ste of life!!!!!!!!
CASS: Yeah, and I wish you stayed dead! You're a irredeemable, manipulative, heartless, and IRRECONCILABLE!!!!!!!!

>>>>

For a split second, you see yourself in his place. That's when you realize what you've done.

You fucked up big time, girl.

Vriska: Deny it.

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: You did not just-
CASS: Now get the fuck outta my house, and don't ever come back.

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: If that's what you, want then f8ne, I'll leave.
VRISKA: Looking at your ugly mug is starting to make me sick, anyway.

Vriska: Depart.

*She storms off, trying to hold back tears...*

Cass: "Good fucking riddance."

Well, you just told her off...

What have you done?

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: Roxy?
ROXY: i heard evryfing
ROXY: im dispraported in u
ROXY: *disappointeded
ROXY: u wet pass telln her off 2 breakin her hart
ROXY: wtf bruh
CASS: Don't lecture me, Lalonde! I already feel bad enough as is!
ROXY: u betta watch urself boy im da only frend u got here
ROXY: u both sed some shit dat wuld end relationshits rite den and ther & tbh im not happy
ROXY: she alredy put up wit a lotta crap frm wat i herd & dat verbal onsalught didnt help
CASS: I really don't give a shit, Roxy! After all the crap I've had to put up with, from her and everyone else, I'm...I'm...

>>>>

*He starts to cry.*

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: ...I'm a fucking monster...
ROXY: u didnt mean any of it did u
CASS: Who fucking cares!? It's not like I can just apologize after that!
CASS: Let's face it, I shot any chance of reconciliation in the foot, with a fucking rocket launcher!
CASS: Just...just go away!
ROXY: y tho
CASS: I SAID GO!

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

ROXY: aight aight sheesh no need 2 shout
ROXY: ill leave u alone but im gonna be bak in an hour 2 check on u

>>>>

*She flips the refreshment table over.*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: F8CK THAT GUY!!!!!!!!

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

DAVE: jeez vriska i get that youre pissed but you didnt need to take it out on the fruit punch
VRISKA: He's a fucking asshole, a creep, and-
ROXY: he wuz kinda rite tho
VRISKA: Wh8t!?!?!?!?
ROXY: u kinda treated him like siht
ROXY: *shit
ROXY: & wen he tries 2 xpresso himself u toyd wit his brain n stuff n violate his privacy
ROXY: nd yea he was into sum shit but liek how da fuq was he supposed 2 kno we were reel
VRISKA: Oh, well I guess that justifies everything he shouted in my f8ce, then!
ROXY: no it dont but meyb u shuld consider dat? idfk
DAVE: i think what shes trying to say is that youre both in the wrong here and shit got really heated
DAVE: and maybe you guys should reconsider that?
VRISKA: I don't remem8er asking you, Dave!
DAVE: and i dont remember giving a shit
DAVE: you got some serious issues you know that?
VRISKA: Oh, 8iiiiiiiig surprise there!!!!!!!!
DAVE: yeah it kind of is especially when your half assed attempts to protect yourself and or ensure youre not messed with only result in just pissing people off
DAVE: you got this kid who we all agree is a little weird and kind of a jackass and he may or may not be obsessed with people he thought was fictitious and he meets one of his faves
DAVE: and yeah the whole i liked this one character from some webcomic seems creepy when you realize those people are now real but you fucking stalked us on your weird ass troll program and you had like a hardcore fancrush on nic cage so you cant really claim the high ground on that one
VRISKA: Did you even see the shit he had 8ookmarked!?
DAVE: no because i dont stalk peoples computers
DAVE: and whatever fanart he had on there was probably no different that the shit my bro drew to fuck with that skull kid guy
DAVE: roxy what was his name
ROXY: calamazoo
DAVE: okay seems fake but ill roll with it
DAVE: what did he have weird tentacle art stuff
VRISKA: No, he had freaking fan fiction! Of me! With that asshole, John!
DAVE: i think i see what the problem is
DAVE: youre still hung up about john
VRISKA: F8ck you! He's got nothing to do with this!
DAVE: thats bullshit and you know it
DAVE: im betting you think hes gonna turn into john or you got reminded of him for whatever reason despite the fact they clearly dont like each other
DAVE: or that you think if you show any interest in him outside of your typical toying with people baloney that youll have a repeat of what happened between you and john
DAVE: which big surprise you blew up in his face and he blew up right back
DAVE: im not saying you cant be pissed about whatever he did or said to you in the past but you shouldnt have taken it out on the kid

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

PINKIE: I'm tired of all this unhappiness!
PINKIE: You two clearly either like each other or want to be friends, and you both made mistakes! You need to fix those before they escalate!
VRISKA: It's already escal8ed! He 8lew up in my face!
PINKIE: I think you should both apologize to one another!
VRISKA: Thanks, 8ut it's too l8 to do anything a8out it. We 8oth pretty much told each other we h8d the other.
PINKIE: Well, did you mean it?
VRISKA: No, 8ut-
PINKIE: Then you should let him know that!
VRISKA: It's not that easy! After that whole fight, I don't think I can talk to him face to face again........I'll just fuck it up!
DAVE: i think we need an intervention
DAVE: and not like that televised bullshit i mean like a legit heart to heart intervention
ROXY: wel i aint talkin to him he jus gonna fuss at me agin and i bet hed do da same 2 u daev
PINKIE: Don't worry, I think I know someone who can help!

Back to Cass.

You go through the remains of your Xbox and find the GTA V disc is still intact. Thank goodness for small mercies.

>>>>

*Knocking on the door.*

\/Open Log:\/

REX: Is this the residence of Cass?
CASS: Who wants to know?
REX: May I speak to you, please.

Cass: Answer the door.

You open it to reveal...

*Music for this*

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: Holy shit…you’re-
REX: Sergeant Rex Power Colt, United States Cyber-Commando.

>>>>

cass
Rat Egg

Posts: 23

ClusterFugde: A Multifandom Mishmash Fanfic. Apr 8, 2018 0:12:49 GMT -6

Quote

Post by cass on Apr 8, 2018 0:12:49 GMT -6

(Music's still playing, assholes!)

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

REX: I heard you’ve been having some issues lately with motivation and self-esteem, kid, I’m here to help you with that.
REX: So what seems to be the problem?
CASS: What isn’t the problem, Rex. My planet got blown up, the ship’s filled with maniacs, there’s a complete fuckwad who I’m this close to shoving the barrel of a .45 down the throat of and a little bit ago I freaking snapped at this alien chick that I may or may not have had feelings for and told her that I didn’t want anything to do with her…
REX: Go on.
CASS: She stumbled upon some stuff on my computer and go upset over it, rightfully so.
CASS: But when she started questioning what the deal was with that shit, I started losing my nerve, and she started appearing more and more intimidating…and then I lost it.
CASS: It was like I was pushed to the sidelines while someone else who sounded like me began to verbally trash the poor girl with insults and something with more bite than those words ever would: the truth.
CASS: With only the last bit perhaps the greyest in terms of truth or falsehood.
CASS: And now she’s convinced I hate her. By my own fucking words.
REX: Is that how you really feel? Do you actually hate this chick?
REX: Or is it something you spat out in the heat of the moment?
CASS: What difference does it make? All that matters is that I freakin’ told her that to her damn face!
CASS: Even if I still had any chance of reconciling this absolute SNAFU on my end, the fact remains that she’s an alien who species is about being the toughest and strongest, and the weaklings are either the first to die or the ones that get fed to the big giant albino fucking spider!
CASS: Do I look like I’m anywhere near a tough guy? I’m a fucking geek gamer who’d freak at the sight of a tiny little spidey minding its own business and can’t get the balls to talk to most girls! To her I’m freaking below a weakling, I’m a dead man walking! I. AM. FUC-
REX: You’ll never be worthy in anyone’s eyes with that kind of attitude, kid!
REX: It’s time to stop wallowing in self-pity about your situation, cut the quitter talk, and do something about it!
REX: You don’t need to be a good person to be a hero, and you don’t need to be a Cyber Commando to be a tough guy, what you need to be is true to yourself.
REX: I don’t see some wimp standing in front of me, I see a man who may not have the biggest muscles, a perfect six-pack, the literary skills of Shakespeare, the largest brain or balls of steel, but he’s got a lot of heart to him, and eyes that burn with a fiery passion for someone he cares for.
REX: And if he puts his mind to it, there isn’t anything that can stop him from achieving his goals.
REX: So you get out there and tell this alien babe how you really feel. And you do it for love, for honor, for your mother, and for YOU. But most of all…

REX: DO IT… FOR AMERICA.
CASS: …Wow…uh…thanks, Sergeant Colt...
REX: Don’t thank me, kid, I’m just doing my civic duty.
REX: Thank the pink talking horse that you were convinced was endangering the fabric of the multiverse.
REX: And kid, one last word of advice: Winners… don’t use drugs.

>>>>

*Rex leaves.*

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: …The fuck just happened.

An hour or so later...

*Dave knocks on the door to Cass' place.*

\/Open Log:\/

DAVE: yo cass
DAVE: you mind coming out for a sec?

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: Oh, shit...
DAVE: calm down buddy roxy and i will babysit you two

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

ROXY: u rdy vrisky
VRISKA: Yes........
ROXY: dont worry momma roxys got ur bak
ROXY: *baack
ROXY: **beck
ROXY: fuck

Intervention: Commence.

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: Um...Hi.
VRISKA: Hi.

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: Listen, Cass, I wanted to say........
VRISKA: Well, a lot of the shit I said and did........was really 8ad. And........
CASS: Are you trying to apologize?
VRISKA: Yes, I'm t8ying to apologize!
VRISKAL ........Sorry.

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

CASS: Sorry, I wasn't trying to start a fight, because I've had enough of those today...
CASS: And...I'm not gonna pretend like anything I said to you was any better...or right.
CASS: So, I'm gonna say I'm sorry, and then remove myself from this situation. Because you were right, it is a little...fucked up, I guess.
CASS: I won't bother you or talk to you or anything-
VRISKA: No! I don't want you to leave!
CASS: You don't? Then what do you want to do?
VRISKA: I don't want to push any more people away. Okay?
VRISKA: I don't want to 8e your enemy, 8ut I also don't want you to 8e just another person I have to avoid. You understand?
CASS: ...Sure?

>>>>

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: What I'm trying to say is, may8e we could try 8eing........friends?
VRISKA: I won't look at your computer or anything else if you don't want me to, okay?
CASS: I...uh...
VRISKA: Hmm?
CASS: I think I'd like that...
CASS: Maybe we could go shopping or something one day, or watch a movie...?
VRISKA: Are you asking me on a d8?
CASS: I mean, if that's okay with you.
VRISKA: We'll see.
VRISKA: :::;)

>>>>

*They hug.*

\/Open Log:\/

PINKIE: Yippee! Everything's oki-doki-loki!
GAMZEE: aW, lOoK aT tHaT, iT's A mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiRaClE.
GAMEZEE: hOnK :o)
DAVE: are you fucking serious
DAVE: they went from screaming at each other to hugging and planning dates
DAVE: this is going to end horribly
ROXY: shut dave

>>>>

You are now Aranea Serket.

It's been a week since your descendant resolved her differences with the one called Cass. You're not sure where that will go, probably nowhere good, GIVEN HOW IT EVEN STARTED IN THE FIRST PLACE. But you won't concern yourself with that until you need to. Right now, you have enough irons in the fire to manage.

Oh yes, your scheming days are far from over, in spite of what you've let others believe. As far as they know, YOU'RE NOT UP TO A DAMN THING.

Aranea: De8rief.

\/Open Log:\/

ARANEA: We now have confirm8ion that your adversary is one of the survivors of the planet's destruction.
ARANEA: I 8elieve it is the one they call Cass-
<N/A>: He is the one.
ARANEA: And so he is. Excellent.
ARANEA: I do not 8elieve he even has a reason to suspect me, in spite of my reput8ion. My descendant has 8ought into the 8elief that I have put my nights of scheming 8ehind me, and has 8egun to sell them to her peers.
ARANEA: And you still wish him not to 8e harmed?
<N/A>: I want him to look me in the eyes before his demise. I cannot do that if he's already dead.
<N/A>: How goes the recruitment?
ARANEA: It 8egan poorly at first. With the 'assistance' of a friend, we've restored to power a Claptrap unit, the very one 8ehind the Ro8ot Revolution. Unfortunately, it has triggered a strange, maniacal personality that fights with the original over control. We'll need to make a suita8le host for one, and separ8 the personalities.
CRACKEDTRAP: UNBIND ME, YOU *CENSORED* HARLOT, LEAST I GIVE MYSELF A NEW COAT OF PAINT WITH YOUR BLOOD!
CRACKEDTRAP: BETTER YET, UNBIND ME SO I CAN USE OTHER PEOPLE'S BLOOD INSTEAD! JUST GET THESE THINGS THE *CENSORED* OFF!
CRACKEDTRAP: I WISH TO DOWSE MY CHASIS IN AN OCEAN OF CRIMSON POURED FROM THE VEINS OF MY FOES, TO WEAR THEIR MEATBAGS LIKE JEWELERY, AND TO TAKE THEIR ARAMS AS MY OWN SO THAT I MAY BE THE *CENSORED* ONE WHO KNOCKS! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
CRACKEDTRAP: (Someone kill me!)
ARANEA: On the other hand, we have gained a powerful ally in John Eg8ert.
<N/A>: You managed to turn the hero of Sburb?
ARANEA: To 8e fair, the John who led the Players to victory has 8een dead and 8uried for quite some time. His former friends and comrades have all 8ut assured his descent.
ARANEA: 8ut most importantly, he has joined us to strike 8ack at his newfound rival.
<N/A>: Ensure that he does not allow his personal feelings to interfere with your mission.
ARANEA: He is well aware of your orders.
<N/A>: And I shall remind you of the importance of secrecy in regards to this operation. If your descendant begins to suspect that you're hiding something... you know what you must do.
ARANEA: If it comes to that, I will not hesit8.
ARANEA: 8ut that may not 8e necessary, for when it comes to maintaining secrets, I am simply the 8est there is.
ARANEA: Worry not, this time, none will 8e a8le to stop your return........

>>>>

*It shows who's head is emitting from the hologram thingy.*

\/Open Log:\/

ARANEA: Lord Andross.

*Andross laughs.*

>>>>

*The door to the residence opens, and Aranea quickly switches the hologram thing off.*

\/Open Log:\/

VRISKA: I'm 8ack!
VRISKA: Thanks, Cass. Had a gr8 time.
CASS: I'm glad you did!
VRISKA: So I'll see you around. May8e crash at your place?
CASS: Just be sure to knock first. I almost thought there was someone trying to break in.
VRISKA: 8yeeeeeeee. :::;D

>>>>

*Vriska comes in.*

\/Open Log:\/

ARANEA: And how was your d8?
VRISKA: Fine.
VRISKA: The guy's a complete dork, 8ut he seems nice enough, now that he's out of his shell.
VRISKA: I think a lot of good's gonna come from this.

>>>>

*Looking back on the hologram emitter...*

\/Open Log:\/

ARANEA: On that, my dear Vriska, I do hum8ly agree.

END OF ACT ZERO.

cass
Rat Egg

Posts: 23

ClusterFugde: A Multifandom Mishmash Fanfic. Jul 18, 2018 22:42:21 GMT -6

Quote

Post by cass on Jul 18, 2018 22:42:21 GMT -6

ATTENTION: I FIGURED OUT HOW TO MAKE BBCODE WORK PROPERLY ON THIS PIECE OF SHIT BUT I GOT TO WARN YOU: CHAT IS UNDER SPOILERS AND SPOILER ISN'T THAT WELL DISTINGUISHED.

I heard you liked my insanity from the previous reviews, so I added some more insanity to go with your insanity and a side order of insanity to compliment it! Would you like fries with that? Whatever, blame this on a HUGE amount of boredom due to a lack of a console or something.

WARNING: THERE ARE IMAGES THAT SOME VIEWERS MAY FIND OFFENSIVE DUE TO THEIR FLASHY, SEIZURE-INDUCING NATURE. SINCE THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE OR KNOW SOMEONE WHO HAS EPILEPSY MAY BE TRIGGERED BY THESE IMAGES, THEY AND/OR THE PAGES THEY ARE CONNECTED TO MAY/WILL BE DEEPLINKED FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE. CLICK THESE LINKS AT YOUR OWN RISK. AND NO, IT’S NOT NSFW. PERVERTS.

(Addendum: 10-29-14): NOTICE: DUE TO THIS FIC BEGINNING AROUND THE START OF THE GIGAPAUSE, ALL EVENTS IN HOMESTUCK PAGES POSTED AFTER 10-16-13 ARE NOT FACTORED IN. AS FAR AS THIS STORY IS CONCERNED, NOTHING PAST THAT DATE HAPPENED.

ALL IMAGES, LINKS, AND OTHER MEDIA ARE PROPERTY OF THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS. I AM NOT MAKING ANY ATTEMPT TO STEAL ANYTHING.

ADDENDUM PART 2 (11-8-2014): I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE PUT THIS SOONER, BUT ALL CHARACTERS ARE DEPICTED AS 18+ UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED.

It is the future… Well, technically it’s the present as we’re talking about it right now and soon it shall be the past… Seriously? Are you seriously doing this right now? Screw it. It is some random period of time- Perhaps we are not even in a period of time at all- Dude I swear to Ogd if you interrupt me one more time I WILL TEAR YOUR VOCAL CORDS OUT AND USE THEM AS GUITAR STRINGS! Well then, excuse me for trying to be sensitive to any and all parties who may be participating, observing, or otherwise be involved or not in this-

Bitch do not make me slap you.

AFTER MUCH CUMULATIVE TESTING THAT PROBABLY WASN’T NECESSARY, THE NARRATORS WERE SUBSEQUENTLY SACKED AND REPLACED WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHO WASN’T TWO PEOPLE.

It is an unspecified period of time somewhere in the void of- SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE! …Space, where we find ourselves following a vessel in medias res of its voyage into the unknown. This is the Random Space Personnel Carrier Transport –or R.S.P.C.T.- Your Mom, a ship which has only recently left the Sol solar system and is now headed back to REDACTED with additional passengers it uplifted from a now-decimated planet: Earth.

Almost two weeks have passed since the departure from the remains of Earth, and yet it feels like an eternity for those aboard, especially those who had been on its surface one moment and then suddenly watching as it was reduced to chunks of rock the next. It has sparked fear in the hearts of many, the question of whether or not this was either the start of some chain of disasters, another link in a pre-existing chain, or just an incident brought upon by some douchebags with laser cannons that has nothing to do with anything else happening anywhere in the universe or the fistful of others. And these are quite legit questions to ask, but in all honesty…

…Yeah... Oh, okay, so that was actually part of the…got it. The fact of the matter is that no, it has nothing to do with any great chain, not of industry, not of will, nor ruin. However, the fear raised from its ashes may serve as a prelude to a greater evil, one that may in fact bring about further destruction: the evil…of fan-fictitious writing.

Cluster Fudge

A young adult sits in his room, staring at a blank Word Document on his computer screen with a bored look in his eyes. It is the same look he has had towards a great deal of things since his planet was reduced to chunks of dead rock, along with just about everyone and everything he knew, serving as companion to an agitating need to get out and do something but lacking the knowledge of what exactly to do. He has gone by many names over the years, some of which are now as much ash as those who knew them, but today marks the day that he takes upon a new one…which is actually not all that new at all but never mind that right now. So what do we call him?

ENTER NAME: SHITDICK MCSHITTYLEADER

Yeah…no. Go die in a fire.

Your name is CASS BLANCO.

You are a GAMER, WRITER, DOODLER, and OVERLY CYNICAL and RAGE-INDUCED CRITIC all on the sidelines of what is essentially A VERY BORING EXISTENCE. Back in the day you would spend countless hours in front of a television screen or a monitor, either writing about your adored hobby or indulging yourself in it, but after the TRAGIC DECIMATION OF YOUR HOMEWORLD BY THE HANDS OF A GIANT ALIEN NAKED MOLE RAT, which left most –if not all- of your INCREDIBLY SMALL AUDIENCE all but dead, you have found most of your time is now devoted to TICKING AWAY THE MOMENTS THAT MAKE UP A DULL DAY. If your siblings were still alive, they’d be proud of that reference.

You had woken up on Your Mom with no knowledge that you were onboard a space ship until after WATCHING THE WORLD YOU SPENT 20 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE ON EXPLODE, soon learning you had been beamed up in your sleep JUST FOR PEOPLE TO HAVE AN INTERVENTION. It didn’t go very well, but it ended GRRRRRRRR8.

Your interests are primarily in SHOOTERS, mainly those focused on THE SECOND WORLD WAR, but you also enjoy a great deal of SCIENCE FICTION and tales of POST-APOCALYPTIC SCENARIOS, and you definitely like EXPLORING THE DARK CONFINES OF THE MIND and EXAMINING THE NATURE OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT and all that nonsense. You do not, however, MUCH CARE FOR GAMES OF THE FLYING NATURE, mainly due to a TRAUMATIZING EXPERIENCE at a young age. Outside of gaming, you have a great amount of enthusiasm about FIREARMS, of which you prefer the SPRAY AND PRAY kind, and also PISTOLS. But you only use one, because AKIMBO GUNS ARE IMPRACTICAL. You are also highly enthusiastic about CYBORGS, something YOU DO NOT WANT TO GET INTO TOO MUCH DETAIL ABOUT.

You do not have a pestertag or whatever the kids call it these days, opting to use MORE SOPHISTICATED MEANS OF SOCIAL COMMUNICATION, though it is irrelevant due to MOST OF YOUR CONTACTS BEING DEAD. Instead, you do what most normal folks do and HAVE ACTUAL CONVERSATIONS. When you talk, you tend to do so casually, though you have a tendency to say fuck a lot more fucking often than socially acceptable. That and you can often get a bit…snappy at times, ESPECAILLY WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO FUCK WITH SHIT! But you’ve been getting a bit better at controlling that. Sort of. You also used to have LIGHTER TEXT but you decided not to anymore because FUCK THE POLICE.

What will you do?

Cass: Retrieve arms from lock-

*shows cap pistol in hand*

You already have some arms, dumbass! Well, it’s not really a pistol, it’s just a shitty toy one you got at a grocery store, but you’re still sensible enough to handle it properly as if it were a real one. You wouldn’t want to go waving around a loaded pistol, you’d shoot your eye out! It’s the same reason you avoid French weapons, those could explode in your face.

Cass: Examine residence.

Your room is much larger than the one you had at your last residence back on Earth, and even your old room at the house you lived in the majority of your life before then. You’ve had a rough time getting adjusted to it, but it’s nice to have a roomy space to yourself.

For some reason the people on the ship decided it was best to maintain the illusion you were still on Earth after they brought you aboard, at least until it became obvious that you were in space. As such, the majority of your belongings were brought aboard, including some things that would’ve otherwise been destroyed with everything else, with the interior being holographic. It’s something you’re glad about, even though it’s sad that these are all that’s left of your little corner of the world.

*Exits room*

But you’re no longer in that manifestation of the past; a few days ago you were given the ‘penthouse’ suite after its previous occupant died during the intervention in circumstances you can barely remember. They would have given it to you earlier, but this tenant was…eccentric to say the least. It took over a week for them just to sterilize the place and remodel it so it could actually be livable again. You’re glad that dude’s dead, the thought of what could’ve gone on in here makes you shudder.

You had your current bedroom set up with the majority of your stuff: your computer, desk, clothes, TV with gaming consoles and of course your bed, but with some connections you’ve made since getting here you managed to get some other things in there too. Mainly a poster for the movie Apocalypse Now that one of your friends was going to send you, and then a big-ass image of one of your icons of badassery and hilariousness of all time…

Bill Paxton.

Cass: Stop fucking around and get to the rest of the suite!

The rest of the suite is still pretty much empty except for the living area. The room across from yours is what you self-proclaimed to be the trophy room, though the only trophy in there right now is the only thing the cleanup crew didn’t wash with fire, and you don’t dare speak of it right now. It’s far too soon.

*Heads downstairs*

Passing by your Hallway Sheep painting, you go down the stairs and enter the living area. It’s just like a place in The Sims, with a kitchen area (fully stocked, for now!), a little dinner section, and then the entertainment section with a TV that’s way larger than the one in your bedroom and all the various gizmos and gadgets to make entertaining guests a non-issue.

Now all you need is movie variety and you’re set to go, if only so they can’t say all you have is a bunch of war movies and M*A*S*H episodes. Then again, you don’t know that many people on the ship yet, and the ones you do either don’t care about your preferences or don’t feel like hanging out with you much to begin with.

Are you done yet?

Lastly is a HUGE bedroom just made for…whatever the fuck that Reaver douchebag did in his free time. Surprisingly, this room was the cleanest in the entire place; so spotless that cleanup didn’t even touch it until the redecorations. You originally wanted to convert this room in the trophy room, but you decided against it after seeing what was left. Could anyone blame you? It had a bed that could slide back to reveal a hot tub for fuck’s sake! That was like some shit out of Scarface right there!

So now it’s just the guest bedroom.

*KNOCK KNOCK*

Well now, wonder who that could be?

You rush to the door as you hear a not-so-subtle rapping on it with a consistent beat of eight. It doesn’t take a freaking child genius to figure out who’s there, but something has got to be up if she’s knocking.

Cass: Answer the door.

*Door opens, Cass smiling when he sees who’s come to visit*

AUTHOR’S NOTE FOR THE UNEDUMACATED WHO MAY BE READING THIS: The spoiler tags are chat convos ala MSPA. I suggest you read them. All of them. All the time.
\/Open Log:\/

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}????: Hiiiiiiii Cass.
????: <33333333
CASS: Hey. Good to see you.

Cass: Be the visitor.

You do realize this visitor has a name, right? And no, you cannot ‘be’ the visitor, for only one person can be the visitor, and that’s her.

To your joy, your visitor is none other than your GIRLFRIEND, coming to do what most visitors do: visit. Though normally she doesn’t show up so…politely; She’s got a habit to where through some sort of wizardry she gets past the door, and is in the living room and slumped on the couch before you ever realize she’s even there.

Her name is VRISKA SERKET. She’s an Alternian –informally known as trolls-, and among THE UPPER ECHELONS OF THEIR BLOOD COLOR CASTE SYSTEM. Her caste gives her blood a cobalt color, an ability to read and influence minds, and her left eye grants VISION EIGHTFOLD, which you’re not yet certain means if she can see the future or not. She likes SPIDERS, MANIPULATING PEOPLE WITH HER MIND POWERS, and of course, A GR8 8IG LOAD OF 8S ALLLLLLLL UP IN THIS 8ITCH!!!!!!!! Her abilities combined with the fact she’s part of a ’GOD TIER’ and that she’s got a pension for DOOMSDAY SCENARIOS have made more than a few people conclude that she’s STRAIGHT UP DANGEROUS. Those beliefs aren’t entirely unjustified, considering she also has A VERY DARK AND BLOODY PAST with tales of her KIDNAPPING LOTS OF INNOCENT TROLLS AND FEEDING THEM TO HER GIANT SPIDER LUSUS, as well as A LONG, CONVULTED SERIES OF ACTS OF REVENGE THAT RESULTED IN SEVERAL DEATHS AND ‘ACCIDENTS’ and even DYING TWICE. She hasn’t specified the events of her return to the realm of not-death to you yet, but perhaps this is just ANOTHER DETAIL IN THE COMPLEX ROAD OF LIFE THAT IS BEST TO BE LEFT ALONE. And you know those kind of things all too well.

You were aware of her existence prior to being abducted, but your relationship didn’t form until after you met her personally during the Intervention, perhaps the only good thing to come out of that utter disaster that didn’t involve killing someone. What you two share is a bit abnormal for her kind, mainly because relationships in troll society ARE VERY, VERY COMPLICATED FOR YOU LESSER BEINGS TO COMPREHEND. You have attempted to study what information is available profusely, but again, THIS SHIT IS DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND. Needless to say, you have to be doing something right, because you haven’t ended up dead yet.

Anyways, she’s here now, and she doesn’t look entirely pissed off, so her visit must be one that bears good tidings, right?

Right?

\/Open Log:\/

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}CASS: How’s it going hon?
VRISKA: Mind if I crash here for a while?
CASS: Of course, babe, stay as long as you want.
CASS: Is something up? You seem a bit tense…
VRISKA: It’s nothing, don’t worry a8out it.
VRISKA: All I’d like to do right now crash at my m8sprite’s hive and get away from the rest of this damneda8le piece of junk they call a spaceship for a 8it.

*Vriska drifts in and str8 to the couch*

\/Open Log:\/

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}CASS: Trouble back at your place, I assume…
VRISKA: Can I pleeeeeeeease have a moment to settle in????????
VRISKA: It’s really hard to get my 8erings str8 with everyone asking questions.
CASS: Sorry, didn’t mean to pry.
CASS: I only want to know that my girlfriend’s okay is all.
CASS: But I understand the need to compose yourself, I can wait while you do that.
CASS: Just remember that I’m here if you need anything, alright?
VRISKA: I’ll 8e fine, just need some space……..
CASS: No pressure, take your time.
CASS: I’ll be upstairs for a few then I’ll be right back down. Okay?

CASS: Tend to your business.

\/Open Log:\/

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}VRISKA: Love youuuuuuuu.

Can we be the guest now?

You still cannot be Vriska, but you are permitted to follow her for the time being.

Fuck that noise!

I don’t make the rules here, buster. I just do what the guys upstairs tell me to.

Bullshit.

Hey, do you REALLY want ‘be’ the crazy spider bitch who has to resist the urge to kill everyone she comes into contact with? Does that sound like a fun time to you?

YES. REALLY. PLEASE.

Okay, fine, don’t say I didn’t warn you or anything.

Last Edit: Jul 18, 2018 22:54:53 GMT -6 by cass

cass
Rat Egg

Posts: 23

ClusterFugde: A Multifandom Mishmash Fanfic. Jul 18, 2018 22:47:13 GMT -6

Quote

Post by cass on Jul 18, 2018 22:47:13 GMT -6

You are now Vriska. You are a psycho. You are Spider Week. You like murdering weaklings and those who cross you and long walks on 8lood soaked 8eaches.

What will you do?

Vriska: Crash on m8sprit’s couch.

You are already on the sofa. As such you are currently in the process of crashing, something you really need to cope with handling so many irons in the fire and a great deal of annoyances.

Vriska: Relaaaaaaaax.

But you’re not going to think about any of those things right now, they can wait for when you’re ready to discuss them with your matesprit. In the meantime, you have taken over his means of sitting in this part of the hive for yourself. He seems to have no problem with you seizing his turf, perhaps because of his strange alien nature. You do recall him saying his home was yours when you’ve previously visited, something he explained as a human act of courtesy to those they are close to.

*Vriska lies down across the couch, staring at the ceiling.*

You are uncertain how exactly to feel about him. He’s not a master prankster like John, he’s afraid of spiders, he doesn’t have any special powers, and for someone who likes all those movies and games about killing and fighting he lacks the ‘tough guy’ nature he so admires, not to mention that he’s made it very clear he wouldn’t stand a chance in troll society. And he’s right.

Yet here you are, hanging out with a guy who you’d never be expected to be anything short of kismesis with. Why? What did he have that made up for his weaknesses in comparison to John or even Tavros? Was it some sort of charm he possessed that he either has no knowledge of or been denying? A lack of aggravating incompetence or cowardice? The fact he didn’t seem to care very much for the actions of your past? Or maybe it was just that you two shared an understanding of a need for personal space. Maybe all it really boiled down to was something out of all the shitty romcoms Vantas liked: that you two simply ‘clicked’.

No, that’s not it. That’s not it at all. That’s just stupid, just like romcoms.

Vriska: Examine m8sprit’s 8elongings.

You look at the ‘coffee’ table sitting in front of the couch. There are a few items on it right now: a few notebooks, some pencils, the TV remote, a couple of DVD boxes and a rectangular brown thing sitting atop the notebooks.

To your irritation the first DVD you see is for Apocalypse Now Redux. That movie suuuuuuuucked, almost three hours long and not a single sign of an apocalypse anywhere, let alone an impending one. You can’t even begin to imagine why Cass liked it, or why he’d get one with an even longer runtime. You don’t even want to bother with what else he has sitting there; it’s probably just more shitty films.

How about that brown thing?

You pick up the brown rectangle to discover it’s a case for a tablet housed inside. No doubt it belongs to Cass, but you’re sure he won’t mind you using it while you’re here.

*She turns it on.*

Gr8……..First thing you see is a picture of you some human made and put up on the Internet that Cass decided to put as the background. You apparently had a cult following on Earth, from what Cass has told you, though that means nothing considering they all probably died when Earth was destroyed, and with no dream bubbles for them to occupy.

*Skype sound goes off*

Sounds like one of the programs is trying to get your attention. Wonder what that’s about?

Vriska: See what’s up.

One of the little icons on the tablet has a 3 next to it, the one with a big S.

Ah, Skype! The earthling equivalent of Trollian! And it’s none other than ‘Sparkie’, that douchebag who tried to message Cass those many days ago during the intervention. Perhaps you should indulge his need for attention in the best way you know how: trolling.

Vriska: Troll.

\/Open Log:\/

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}Sparkie: Hello.
Sparkie: Cass?
Sparkie: FFS quit looking at Liara porn and answer me!
DarthCK: Hello again, Sparkieeeeeeee.
DarthCK: It’s 8een farrrrrrrr too long since we last conversed, hasn’t it????????
Sparkie: God damnit.
Sparkie: This again?
Sparkie: I was hoping you would have given up this shirred by now but nooo.
Sparkie: The only person I know that’s still alive had to go crazy and start acting like a Homestuck character.
Sparkie: At this point the only thing that doesn’t surprise me is you chose to be your spider-bitch goddess.
DarthCK: Whoooooooo are you calling a 8itch!?!?!?!?
Sparkie: That would be you, smart one.
DarthCK: >::::/
Sparkie: Well since you think you’re Vriska then that means you must think you a bitch too.
Sparkie: Huge bitch.
Sparkie: Bluh
Sparkie; Fucking
Sparkie: Bluh.
DarthCK: Shut up!!!!!!!!
Sparkie: Sooooo, if you don’t mind me asking: how’s that gaping hole in your chest working out for you, anyway?
DarthCK: F8CK YOU!!!!!!!!
DarthCK: I have scars for 8oth my entrance AAAANNNND exit wounds from that, you fucking 8astard!!!!!!!!
DarthCK: And it STILLLLLLLL hurts like a 8itch sometimes!!!!!!!!
Sparkie: Hahahaha very funny.
Sparkie: Okay VrisCass, seriously, it’s time to stop with this stupidity. You’re not fooling anyone.
Sparkie: I know what’s happened has been traumatizing, but it doesn’t make her real.
Sparkie: Neither does slapping on greyface and a shitty wig.
Sparkie: Or whatever terrible job you did for lipstick that’s probably covering those crap plastic Dracula teeth.
DarthCK: ……..
DarthCK: I 8M NOOOOOOOOT WEAR8NG A WIIIIIIIIG!!!!!!!!
Sparkie: I’ll be the judge of that.

Who is this Sparkie douchebag?

You are now the supposed Sparkie douchebag. Like Cass, he has gone under many names in the past, but now it is his turn to don a new title that he will bear for the rest of his life. Let’s give him a proper name, shall we?

ENTER NAME: SOULLESS PRUDE

A PROPER NAME, asshole! PROPER. NAME!!!!

Your name is ANDREI KOLVANOSKOVICH. But for all intents and purposes, you will also accept ANDY KOLVAN as an alternative. At one point you also went by SPARKIE, but the only people who referred to you as such are now EITHER UNDER A CASE OF DECEASED or in the case of one of your closer associates, A ST8 OF DECAY. Whether or not it is in a physical or mental sense HAS YET TO BE DECIDED.

You are a GAMER, a once highly praised SCREENSHOT COMIC WRITER, and an ASPIRING NOVELIST. You even had a deal with a publisher in the works, but that all changed WHEN THE ZIN EMPIRE ATTACKED AND DESTROYED YOUR PLANET, leaving you with AN OFFER OF NOTHING BUT ASHES. Your existence on Earth was far from perfect, mostly due to A VERY STRESSFUL AND DISFUNCTIONAL HOME LIFE that turned you QUITE ANTISOCIAL, with your only means of escape being A LIMITED NUMBER OF INTERNET ASSOCIATES WHO ARE ALSO DUST AND ECHOS. You sincerely hope that the fucker in charge GOT HIS HEAD RIPPED OFF BY THE SPINE, but THAT IS ANOTHER STORY.

A product of a DIVORCED FAMILY, you were ironically at your mother’s house when you were abducted and brought aboard Your Mom prior to your planet’s TRAGIC DECIMATION. To confound this irony, your reasons for being brought aboard were due to a MISUNDERSTANDING, as those in charge had confused THE DUSTYN HOFFMAN FILM OUTBREAK with ONE OF YOUR SCREENSHOT COMICS OF THE SAME NAME and assumed YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR WORKING ON THE FORMER. Due to this certain comic’s INCREDIBLY SHITTY NATURE, you were assigned to share quarters with THE LEGENDARY STRIDER BROTHERS, which has ensured that YOUR SITUATION HAS BECOME SO IRONIC THAT CANNOT HOLD ANY MORE IRONY.

Because of CERTAIN BRAIN PROBLEMS, you hold a NEUTRAL OUTLOOK towards relationships to the point that YOU HAVE NO PREFERENCE, or EVEN A HIGH ENOUGH INTEREST IN GETTING A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND TO EVEN HAVE A PREFERENCE. While this condemns you to being a ONE MAN WOLFPACK, it also grants you the ability TO ENDURE CERTAIN MATERIALS THAT WOULD ULTIMATELY DESTROY THE MINDS OF THE AVERAGE MAN, which is something you have used to your advantage in the past. It is one of the few things you have in your favor, as you SUFFER FROM A BAD BACK THAT CAUSES INTENSE PAIN. You have a very PARTICULAR STANDARD for which you enjoy things. As such your tastes in entertainment is QUITE LIMITED. You dabble in JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT FALLS INTO YOUR BUBBLE OF PREFERENCES as far as games are concerned, particularly in those WITH RICH STORIES and EFFORT PUT INTO THEM, and you like EXPLORING SOCIAL ISSUES, THE INNER WORKINGS OF THE MIND, and GONZO. You don’t much care for HORROR at all, SHIPPING IS RIGHT OUT.

You had used chumhandles before as well as some other social media forms, but you had been forced to revert to NORMAL FORMS OF COMMUNICATION with other people because as far as social media is concerned, DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES. When you speak, You talk in a low, unenthusiastic tone, very rarely raising you voice above a growl, and can use this to confuse those you speak with as to whether you are serious or not in regards to certain matters. When something gets your interests, you are inclined to TALK ABOUT IT A GREAT DEAL UNTIL EITHER YOU GET DISINTERESTED IN IT OR YOUR ASSOCIATES SNAP AT YOU TO STOP, which you PROMPTLY IGNORE TO BE A SPITEFUL LITTLE BASTARD. You are also victim to MOODINESS and FITS OF IRRITATION when things fall out of favor, especially WHEN YOUR FRIENDS STRIFE WITH ONE ANOTHER.

What will you do?

Andy: Resume conversing with your mentally deranged friend.

You are already in the middle of conserving with this person, resuming would imply you ever stopped in the first place.

You and Cass have been friends for well over seven years, keeping in contact through various forums, the online systems of consoles and other social media forms, and you have both endured many ordeals during those years, but the destruction of Earth seems to have weighed a heavier toll on him than it did on you. Two weeks ago you tried to contact him, only to have him responded in the text style of a character from a webcomic you both enjoy, acting as if he himself was the character. However, the fact you share an apartment with two people who were also in that series, and the fact that he continues to do it makes you wonder if Cass is even on the other side of the conversation. In any case, you are very, very concerned.

Only one way to be sure…

Andy: Engage video call.

*Andy clicks the Call button, activates webcam, waits.*

You wonder if he…

*The video call begins, the camera on the other side showing the face of ‘Cass’.*

Well now, he’s accep…ted…Oh sweet merciful crap…

cass
Rat Egg

Posts: 23

ClusterFugde: A Multifandom Mishmash Fanfic. Jul 18, 2018 22:50:41 GMT -6

Quote

Post by cass on Jul 18, 2018 22:50:41 GMT -6

Andy: Get on with it.

\/Open Log:\/

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}ANDY: You’re shitting me.
ANDY: Either you got a sex change during the last two weeks, this is the most convincing cosplay of a woman by a guy since White Chicks, or…
VRISKA: Orrrrrrrr????????
ANDY: Or…this isn’t actually Cass I’m speaking to.
VRISKA: ……..
VRISKA: Pffffffffhahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: The look on your face is a8solutely priiiiiiiiceless!!!!!!!!
ANDY: Who are you? Where’s Cass?
VRISKA: Who do you think this is, dum8ass!?!?!?!?
ANDY: HEY! Answer the goddamn question, bitch!
ANDY: I SAID…
ANDY: WHERE...
ANDY: THE FUCK…
ANDY: IS CASS!?
VRISKA: And whyyyyyyyy should I tell you anyyyyyyyything, hmmmmmmmm????????
VRISKA: I mean, just whoooooooo are you to make demands of me????????
ANDY: Who are you talking to right now?
ANDY: Who is it you think you see?
ANDY: Do you have any idea what kind of shit I’ve seen?
ANDY: I mean, if I told you, you’d think I was bluffing.
ANDY: Do you know what would happen if I were to show you even a tiny fragment of it?
ANDY: Your gr8 and mighty persona would come crashing down like a wrecking ball just hit it.
ANDY: It would cease to exist, because of ME.
ANDY: No, you clearly don’t know who you’re talking to.
ANDY: So let me clue you in…
ANDY: I am not in danger, Serket.
ANDY: I AM the danger.
ANDY: A man goes to answer his door and gets shanked, and you think that of ME?
ANDY: No.
ANDY: I…
ANDY:

ANDY: …AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS.
VRISKA: !!!!!!!!

MEANWHILE…IN THE IMMEDIATE PAST…

You are suddenly Cass again.

You are currently in your bedroom, tiding up the joint so you don’t look like a total slob if your girlfriend decides to sneak in. Though that’d be irrelevant if she sees anything HER PEOPLE DEEM TO BE OBSCENE, but then again she already knows the mentality behind humans, she’d probably be more surprised if you didn’t have any pail-like objects lying around the room.

*Cass tosses some dirty clothes into a tall, oval bin.*

Wait…the clothes basket…AW FUCKBUCKETS IT LOOKS LIKE A PAIL!!!!

CASS: Hurry up and hide the fucking thing!

You quickly move it into the bathroom and shut the door. Out of sight, out of mind.

You can hear your girlfriend laughing downstairs. She must be feeling better. You ought to change to a nicer shirt, look like you actually give some form of a shit about things.

CASS: Change.

You start rifling through fresh clothes to find something suitable to your tastes and hers. Black T-Shirt? Yes. Black Ops Black T-Shirt? Definitely. Blue Long-Sleeve? Wear it under the T-Shirt. Jeans? THE ONES YOU HAVE ON ARE FINE, BUMBLEFUCK. Steel-toed boots? Maaaaaaybe…. Red shoes? NO. FUCK THE RED SHOES. RED SHOES ARE FUCKING STUPID. So yes, PICK THE DAMN BOOTS.

*Vriska screams downstairs.*

The fuck?

CASS: DAMSEL IN DISTRESS. DAMSEL IN FUCKING DISTRESSS!!!!

*Cass rushes out of his room and down the stairs.*

\/Open Log:\/

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}VRISKA: WHY W8ULD YOU EVEN SH8W THAT YOU 8ASTARD!?!?!?!?
ANDY: Maybe if you would cooperate with me instead of being an egotistical BITCH-
CASS: HOLD ON BABE I’M CO-

*Standing behind the couch, he realizes what’s going on.*

\/Open Log:\/

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}CASS: ...
CASS: Okay…one moment I’m cleaning up my messy room and the next I find my girlfriend on my iPad having a vid chat with one of my best friends WHO IN A BRICK-SHITTING TWIST, IS STILL ALIVE!!!
CASS: All in all, not exactly how I thought I’d be spending my day when I woke up this morning.
CASS: So who would like to help me figure out how we got from point A to 8 first?
VRISKA: Well, I was minding my own 8uisness-
CASS: BULLSHIT!!!!
VRISKA: I waaaaaaaas!!!!!!!!
ANDY: Hey Cass.
ANDY: By the way, I think she found your Liara stash, dude.
CASS: Sparkie, please either explain what I walked into or shut up.
VRISKA: Okay, finnnnnnnne, I was on your ta8let, 8ut I didn’t get a chance to do anything on it 8ecause as soon as I did, this asshole tried to start a convers8ion!
VRISKA: And theeeeeeeen he jumped the fucking fin8east and showed his……..pail……..
CASS: Okay, what the fuck dude?
CASS: You know damn well what’s wrong with that!
ANDY: I thought she either kidnapped you or locked you in a basement or something, shit!
ANDY: I had to show I wasn’t messing around!
CASS: I don’t get it with how everyone has to go to a freaking extreme JUST TO PROVE A POINT!
CASS: Fuck this, both of you apologize and let’s move on.
ANDY: Well for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.
VRISKA: My 8ad……..
VRISKA: (Asshole.)
CASS: What was that?
VRISKA: >::::S
CASS: That’s what I thought.

*Cass sits down next to Vriska*

\/Open Log:\/

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}CASS: Anyways…Sparkie! Long time no see-
ANDY: Don’t give me that! I get dragged out into goddamn space by a ship called Your Mom at least two seconds before live action Saints Row 4, convinced that everyone I knew was dead, only to find you being broadcasted live on public broadcasting in the midst of a fucking intervention!
ANDY: I tried at least fifty times in the past two weeks to get in touch with you and not ONCE did you answer my text messages or calls!
ANDY: Just what the fuck have you been doing!?
CASS: Well gee, I dunno, maybe being in the middle of that intervention, a court case that followed because at least two people involved DIED, moving from my quarters to this lovely place after it got cleansed with napalm and remodeled, and eating and sleeping?
CASS: You could’ve just looked me up in a phone book or something. It’s not that hard…
ANDY: Fair enough. I’m just glad you didn’t go crazy.
CASS: And who said I didn’t? For all we know this is all an elaborate final thought in my head as I get turned into fucking space vapor!
ANDY: Really? Maybe it’s in mine.
VRISKA: You two keep joking a8out last thoughts. Tooooooootally not offending me in the slightest.
CASS: Aw, I’m sorry babe…
VRISKA: I’m picking!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: *punches Cass in the arm, plaaaaaaaayfully*
CASS: Eeeeee!!!!
CASS: Don’t know why you did that but I’ll play along…owwwwwwww…
ANDY: So…you two are together?
ANDY: When did this happen?
CASS: When do you think?
ANDY: Dude, for all I know you two may have been talking to each other wayyy before you even actually met.
ANDY: At this point I’m willing to believe just about anything.
ANDY: So please, indulge me.
CASS: Well…
CASS: How 'bout no.
VRISKA: Allow me.
VRISKA: When it comes to telling tales, I am simply the 8est there is.

Vriska: Begin Storytime.

AUNTIE VRISKA’S STORYTIME CORNNNNNNNNER.

\/Open Story8ook:\/

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}VRISKA: It all 8egan long agoooooooo-
ANDY: Could you just cut the bullshit and give me a straight answer?
VRISKA: Shhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: As I was saying……..
VRISKA: It all 8egan long ago in a time of incredi8le strife, with a human 8oy named John and a gr8 Thief named Vrisssssssska meeting each other through sheer f8 alone.
VRISKA: They came from different worlds, 8oth with customs foreign to the other, 8ut they thought their red feelings could spin a we8 that would withstand the crisis they faced, even if they perished. Then, just as it seemed they would 8ecome m8sprits, the Thief was slain, her comp8riots never revealing her f8, and the 8oy was left 8elieving he would have to w8 three sweeps 8efore he would meet her again.
VRISKA: 8ut as the strife waged on, and the time they spent separ8ed from each other stretched even further, the 8oy learned of his 8eloveded’s true f8, and his feelings for the Thief 8egan to fade away. He grew more knowledga8le of her past, and his memory of what they once shared dwindled to the point he no longer held anything for her except an a8solute conclusion that she was too dangerous to ever 8e in a rel8ionship with.
VRISKA: When he was given a chance to restore her 8ack to life, he refused. 8y the time the strife came to an end, their m8spritship was more a ghost than she ever was.
VRISKA: For what seemed like a 8rief moment they attempted to mend their rel8ionship, 8ut alas, like all tragedies, it was never meant to 8e. The Thief now saw him for what he truly was: an o8livious fool, 8linded 8y his own ignorance and unwilling to accept that people, whether human or troll, had the capacity to change.
VRISKA: She decided it was 8est they went their own ways, 8ut he failed to understand that, denying that their love was dead. She eventually told him never to speak to her again.
VRISKA: One day the Thief found herself a8oard a spacecraft, voyaging throughout the cosmos, along with many others she knew and many more that she did not.
VRISKA: It led her to particip8ing in a ‘intervention’ for another human known only as Cass. When it fell apart, they a8sconded to his quarters, and when John arrived in defiance of what he had 8een told the last time he spoke with her, Cass stood in her defense.
VRISKA: And then the Thief’s aggrav8ing dancestor decided to meddle in my 8usiness LIKE SHE ALW8YS DOES and-
CASS: HOLD IT, HOLD IT. STOP.

*Storytime and music ends*

\/Open Log:\/

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}CASS: Explain why you’re leaving out the part where during the intervention you tried screwing with my brain with your powers?
CASS: Or how you used them again to get me to unlock the door to my room when I refused to because of the impending threat of a berserk clown?
CASS: Or that John Dickbeak SMASHED my Xbox?
VRISKA: 8esides the X8ox getting smashed, I don’t remem8er those happening.
VRISKA: Ooooooooh wellllllll, details are 8oring anyway.
ANDY: So… you just spent the past 9 minutes avoiding my question, summing up most of what took place in the second half of Act 5 and the majority of Act 6, explaining why you’re not with John while apparently altering what took place during the intervention you met my friend at, and pretty much setting in stone one thing you, Cass and Aranea have in common.
ANDY: I feel so enlightened right now that if I didn’t have a bad back I would get up and start dancing like I’m in The Blues Brothers.
ANDY: Please continue, I’d like to hear the part where you get to answering my question.
VRISKA: ……..
VRISKA: I don’t think I like you very much right now.
ANDY: Well I don’t like you either!
ANDY: >:3
CASS: Sparkie…
ANDY: Oh come on, she gave me the perfect setup for that reference!
ANDY: You know you’d have done the same thing!
VRISKA: >::::E
CASS: It’s alright Vrisky, he’s just playing around. It’s one of his ways of being socially active.
CASS: Unfortunately he had to study communication skills from Dirk freaking Strider.
ANDY: Wow, you don’t even know how on-the-nose you were when you said that.
ANDY: Studying? I’m sharing a fucking apartment with him AND Dave!
CASS: …Seriously?
ANDY: Yeah, it’s crazy, I know.
ANDY: And Dirk said we’re having hot dogs tonight.
CASS: *smirks*
ANDY: STFU.
DAVE: hey colonoscopy its time to eat
DAVE: better move your ass cuz its first come first serve
ANDY: I’ll be right down!
ANDY: I gotta go eat. Continue this later?
CASS: I’d like to, but…well, Vriska and I were gonna talk…right?
VRISKA: I can w8.
ANDY: No, I won’t get in between your romantic silly talky time. I’ll come by tomorrow or something.
CASS: Alright, see you then.
VRISKA: 8yyyyyyyye.

Andy: Hang up.

*He hits the hang up button and exits his room*

cass
Rat Egg

Posts: 23

ClusterFugde: A Multifandom Mishmash Fanfic. Jul 18, 2018 22:53:09 GMT -6

Quote

Post by cass on Jul 18, 2018 22:53:09 GMT -6

Andy: Be the odd couple.

You want to be the- oh hellllllllllll no.

No God damnit! Get back to Cass and Vriska!

Well geez, all you had to do was ask.

You are now Cass. You are still sitting next to your girlfriend after concluding a vid-chat with your best bro. Now that she’s sociable again, there’s no better time for you to discuss what was grinding her gears earlier.

Cass: Discuss feelings with your alien girlfriend.

\/Open Log:\/

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}CASS: You okay, hon?
VRISKA: Yeah, 8etter than I was.
CASS: I’m glad, you looked like you were about to kill something…
CASS: John giving you more trouble? Is that what got under your skin?
VRISKA: No, not exactly……..
VRISKA: He’s 8een showing up at the hive a lot more, 8ut it’s not me he’s there to talk to.
CASS: Aranea?
VRISKA: GOG!!!!!!!! Those two could go on and on and onnnnnnnn until their talk holes stopped working, and even that wouldn’t shut them up!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: And when he’s gone, she’ll never shut up a8out him! It’s always 8luh 8luh John 8luh 8luh 8luh 8luh John 8luh 8luhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Twice now she’s kicked me out of the hive so they could have one of their chats, and I don’t think she’s spoken to that Jake English kid in the past few weeks!!!!!!!!

*She glances away, a miserable, grumpy look on her face*

\/Open Log:\/

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}VRISKA: There’s something going on 8etween the two of them, she’s pro8a8ly trying to drive me nuts so I leave and she gets the hive allllllll to herself, and he’s clearly out to make me misera8le……..
CASS: Hey now…no need to send out more negative waves…
CASS: *Hugs.*
CASS: They’ll only win if you let them. And whatever happens, I’m here for ya. Alright?
VRISKA: *nods*
CASS: Alright. So how’s about we get your mind off of that with a movie? Sound good?
VRISKA: ::::)

Later on…

The two of you spent the next few minutes deciding what to watch, you omitting most of your limited selection to avoid offending her through some mean or another. You were going to watch Knowing, taking into account that it had two things she liked in it, but she shot it down. Ever since she tried to cut ties with John, Nicholas Cage slowly devolved into another bitter reminder, as did Bruce Willis. Eventually, you decided to watch Twister, if only to enjoy its cheesiness, and for a few hours everything felt as right as rain. She nearly fell asleep close to the end, but stopped herself, and then decided to head back home once the movie was over, vanishing before you had the chance to question if she was sure that was a good idea.

God damn. Were if she not so big into pirates, you’d be certain she was a ninja.

You guess it’s all for the best, you don’t exactly have suitable accommodations for trolls to stay overnight, or at least you think you don’t. Do they even use those Recuperacoon things anymore, or did they get rid of them? Wasn’t sopor some sort of mind-control drug created by THE MAN to keep them all in line? Didn’t the Beforusian folks not even have that shit? Who’s logic are we operating on here, Alternaian or Beforusian? Are you even sure that’s how they’re supposed to be referred to? Why are you even trying to figure that one out? They’re all the same fucking people! And stop calling it overnight, damnit! Trolls sleep during the morning and there’s no exact day-night slot on a space ship!

TROLLS ARE FUCKING WEIRD!!! -That sounded very wrong. Fixed that for you. Spark.

Cass: Just shut up and go to bed.

Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. You can get really irritable when you get sleepy, or hungry, or both.

You head up to your bedroom and to the embrace of your NICE, BIG, LIME-GREEN-GOOP-FREE MATRESS. You have no idea why you feel obligated to make such a big deal of that, maybe it’s a side effect of being tired. You can’t begin to imagine how Vriska could enjoy sleeping neck-deep in that crap, but on the other hand she probably has a hard time understanding how you manage with a bunch of blankets and spring-loaded box thing, or hell, even sleeping on the floor!! Ah well, to each their own, even if theirs is utterly batshit.

No. Seriously. Go to bed.

ALL RIGHT, MOM. JEEZ.

*Cass gets in the bed*

Just as you start to get comfy you seem to lose the feeling of sleepiness. You hate that; it’s a total middle finger from your body or ADHD or whatever it is that pulls this off. You don’t bother getting out of bed though; it’ll just make things worse.

You stare at the dark ceiling for a bit, semi-wide eyed, thinking about whatever thoughts come to mind that won’t cause you to get riled up. Where were you headed? What would be waiting for you there? Why, out of 7 billion people with so many better ones to choose, did you get uprooted from your late Earth? What roll of the dice was made to get you to where you were now, with her? Was she thinking the same things you were right now? What would it take to make you two last? Would you even last?

You’d do your damnedest to try, but something in your gut is telling you it’d take more than that. Something big is coming your way, or if it’s not already, soon will be. Probably just a stupid feeling, or you being too genre savvy.

Yeah, just a stupid feeling. Tomorrow’s going to be a good day. And fuck anyone who tries to make it anything less.

Cass: Fall asleep.

cass
Rat Egg

Posts: 23

ClusterFugde: A Multifandom Mishmash Fanfic. Jul 18, 2018 22:57:28 GMT -6

Quote

Post by cass on Jul 18, 2018 22:57:28 GMT -6

With the last waking thought gone past his brain, sleep comes at last to the critic, to deliver him to what he hopes to be good dreams. Several hallways and two floors away, the Thief returns to her hive to do the same, glad that the Sylph is already fast asleep so she can avoid the asking of questions and the never-ending conversing about ex-matesprits. As the critic falls to sleep, so does she, sharing his intention of a decent rest.

It’s not what either of them gets. His is of dreams he either will not remember or not be able to comprehend, but her dreams are anything but. The mind of a troll is naturally filled with violence and brutality, her’s is eight times worse, a result of the unconquerable hunger of her lusus for flesh, and the horrible actions taken to feed it. But that was simply duty; it was what was expected of her. Then it shifted to memories of the Page, and her attempts to make him tough like any troll should be. It was a history that took up most of her life, brought upon both their deaths, and forged something irreconcilable that led to their own reconciliation in the dream bubbles.

She and Tavros had long since reached better terms, a black quadratic romance that had gone pale over the sweeps, and she didn’t entirely regret her treatment of him, but rather the methods in which she did it. But that wasn’t what haunted her in the unconscious mind.

It was what he could have become if she succeeded.

In a cold sweat and a terrified panic she absconded from her hive and headed straight for her matesprit’s and breaching the lock as she always did, soon collapsing in the living room as her adrenaline wore thin and the fatigue took hold. Startled by her fumbling awakening him, he nearly came out of the bedroom with a flashlight in one hand and a .45 in the other before he realized his suspected burglar may have been a Thief, but stealing was not her intention. He would have to wait until later to figure it out, and after re-securing his domain, the critic placed his passed-out mate on one side of his bed and curled back into the other to return to sleep.

72 hours remain until what!? Why is this here? This doesn’t make any sense!!!

Don’t see how that’s relevant because of the lack of a day/night transitioning on a spacecraft but…never mind, better that before.

Be The Sylph.

You are now the Sylph.

Just for the record, she has a name. Most of these people do. Time to start using it.

Then let’s hear it.

You are ARANEA SERKET.

Most think you’re a SWEET, SOPHISTIC8ED, AND OVERALL PLEASANT SPIDERGIRL, and to some extent you are, however you secretly are also DEVIOUS, MANIPULATIVE, AND COMPLETELY SOCIOPATHIC. You do not wish to discuss the actions of your past, though you can assure those who have some knowledge of you that they are 8 8ILLLLLLLLION TIMES MORE HORRI8LE THAN THOSE OF YOUR DESCENDANT. That’s no small feat, but nothing you’ve accomplished ever is.

Your powers are MUCH MORE ADVANCED than those of your descendant, thanks to having honed them WHILE YOU WERE 8USY 8EING DEAD FOR AN INCREEEEEEEEDI8LY LONG TIME, though you have opted ONLY TO USE THEM FOR GOOD IN PUBLIC AND FOR WHATEVER YOU WISH IN THE SHADOWS. Most do not bother you, as you are QUITE TALKATIVE, ALMOST TO THE POINT OF SOME OF YOUR FORMER COMRADES FROM YOUR SESSION. You consider yourself a GR8 STORYTELLER, CAPA8LE SPINNING TALES AS DELICATELY AS YOU WOULD A WE8. It helps you to throw people off from YOUR DEVIOUS PLANS.

What will you do?

Aranea: Check Hive.

You are already checking your hive. Keep up!

It appears that some hours ago your descendant snuck in while you were sleeping and promptly left in an abrupt haste. There are sopor tracks heading from her room and out to the halls of the ship, perhaps leading to the hive of that human she met weeks ago. You’ll need to question her when she returns as to why she bothered making a mess of the place if she didn’t intend to stay.

*a beep goes off from Aranea’s room*

Oh, it’s him. Better go see what he has to say and if it’s actually worth an interruption.

Aranea: Answer Person.

\/Open Log:\/

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}
????: HELLOOOOO SUPERIOR!
????: GOTTA TELL YOU SOME *CENSORED* ABOUT *CENSORED* YOU GOTTA BE TOLD!
????: ATTENTION SPIDER*CENSORED* SECRETARY LADY!
????: GET OFF YOUR *CENSORED* AND ANSWER ME!
ARANEAL: Yeeeeeeees????????
ARANEA: I assume you are trying to report that you have completed your mission?
????: I AM RUNNING AROUND WITH THE SEVERED HEAD OF A GIANT *CENSORED* GREEN SKULL MONSTER AND THERE IS BLOOD JUST POURING OUT OF IT!
????: OH SWEET MONKEY USEJS IT TASTES LIKE STRAWBERRIES!!!!!
ARANEA: Ooooooookay……..
????: WAIT, EVERYTHING IS GREEN, MY OPTICS ARE SCREWING UP! HANG ON A SECOND!
????: FIXED! NO, IT’S STILL A GREEN HEAD, WITH A BLOOD STAINED ORANGE *CENSORED* LOOKING EYE!
ARANEA: Claptrap, did you termin8 the Master Chief or not!?!?!?!?
CRACKEDTRAP: ARE YOU KIDDING!? I SLAUGHTERED THE WHOLE *CENSORED* SEVENTH COLUMN!
CRACKEDTRAP: AND STOP CALLING ME CLAPTRAP, *CENSORED*IT!! I WILL NOT BE COMPARED TO THAT *CENSORED* TOOL!
ARANEA: If you h8 8eing called that, why do you compliment it?
ARANEA: A tool implies usefulness.
CRACKEDTRAP: *CENSORED* YOU AND YOUR SPIDER LOGIC!!!!
CRACKEDTRAP: FINE, JUST CALL ME WHATEVER THE *CENSORED* YOU WANT! I DON’T GIVE ANY *CENSORED*! I JUST KILLED THE MAJORITY OF THE SPARTANS!
ARANEA: Yes, you did, the master will 8e very pleased.
ARANEA: Now please, calm yourself 8efore you 8low a fuse.
CRACKEDTRAP: I KIND OF CAN’T BECAUSE THIS *CENSORED* PROGRAM YOU GRACIOUSLY SHOVED INTO MY BODY IS PLAYING PINBALL WITH MY EMOTIONAL MATRIX!!!!
CRACKEDTRAP: (I haven’t been in sleep-mode for days!)
ARANEA: I’ll have the Zahhaks look into it. In the meantime, sweep for any stragglers and return to the ship as soon as possi8le.
CRACKEDTRAP: DOING THAT RIGHT NOW! SEE YOU WHEN I GET BACK!
CRACKEDTRAP: (This is worse than being Captain Flynt’s *CENSORED*!)

-TRANSMISSION TERMINATED-

Gog he’s annoying, but he has his uses. Or at least, you keep telling yourself that to avoid activating his self-destruct function and ridding the universe of him. Some days you wish you could just will him to stay silent like you did with many of your previous mindslaves back in the day, but you can’t, because he’s a robot.

Oh well, you could probably get your minions to at least change the pitch, that way he’s a tolerable psychotic robot. It’d even be more likely to throw people off…if he wasn’t almost always covered in dry blood. Damnit.

Being the head underling to a master planning an epic comeback tour of universal domination sure does dictate having a lot of irons in the fire.

What’s that about universal domination?

Well gee, dumbass, you don’t know. Maybe it has something to do with you BEING EVIL.

Aranea: Examine bedroom wall.

You look at a poster that bears the emblem of your master’s great empire. Well, more like once-and-soon-to-be-once-again great empire, but those are details you’re willing to ignore. Many sweeps ago, the army that sported this banner struck fear into the hearts of an entire galaxy, a force that rivaled the military might of its native solar system and possibly any other at that time. However, it was brought down singlehandedly by a measly freelancer group of four pilots before it could conquer that system, and both times it tried to rebuild the same group put a stop to it.

They thought that they had defeated that ‘great evil’ forever, but you know better than anyone that death is never an absolute, and forever is a mere construct. The empire will rise from its ashes, stronger than ever before. Like a phoenix, not that you have any idea what that is.

Wait, of course you do! You've made it an objective of yours to become well versed in the mythology of other life forms that occupy this universe, as it makes you appear well versed, and helps make your lies much more convincing. You’ve even told your descendant that your poster is just for some indie Earth band that got destroyed in that planet’s destruction before it could enter the mainstream, which was common for such bands, and so far she appears to believe it.

Speaking of which, you’re beginning to wonder what she could be up to…

CUE EPIC TRANSITION!

Um…

Shoutbox

herbert:

Aug 4, 2017 1:37:25 GMT -6

Ryoma:

Aug 5, 2017 21:49:16 GMT -6

miragefla:

Aug 6, 2017 1:10:40 GMT -6

Mr. Skeli'n: :gwapes:

Aug 10, 2017 7:04:43 GMT -6

miragefla:

Aug 12, 2017 0:11:49 GMT -6

Ryoma:

Aug 12, 2017 16:10:41 GMT -6

assassinfred: :gwapes:

Aug 18, 2017 2:34:18 GMT -6

Mr. Skeli'n: :gwapes:

Sept 1, 2017 19:28:28 GMT -6

miragefla: Discord was a mistake

Sept 8, 2017 21:09:33 GMT -6

Duke Doodstormer: Just dropping a quick update in here for those wondering about Discord lately: status.discordapp.com/ Nov 18, 2017 14:01:31 GMT -6

Duke Doodstormer: They're in the midst of a huge outage that requires them to work pretty closely with Google for the moment, so things will be patchy Nov 18, 2017 14:02:11 GMT -6

Klaykid: Afghanistan smells bad. Like, everywhere. Dec 22, 2017 10:17:02 GMT -6

Spark: Crunky Feb 12, 2018 18:38:47 GMT -6

reaperman290: I have returned. Jul 24, 2018 13:08:27 GMT -6

Burger Warrior: Le gasp. He alive! Jul 25, 2018 10:20:40 GMT -6

HalfBaked, Latest of Larrys: It's nice to be home. Jan 20, 2019 22:32:29 GMT -6

hzking: I'm alive. Hello Mar 28, 2019 6:23:28 GMT -6

Ghostly: I'm excited. Apr 8, 2019 20:10:55 GMT -6

MastaSin: Hi Aug 29, 2019 5:18:47 GMT -6

Ghostly: I miss you guys May 16, 2023 12:31:50 GMT -6